Should We Talk to Kids About Skin Color?

This article is being republished in honor of Martin Luther King Day.

diversity

Parents frequently tip-toe around the sensitive topic of race.

Does highlighting skin color differences create a further sense of otherness or division among the races? Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman sought answers to this question for their provocative book, NurtureShock.

Through their research the authors noted that many parents (especially caucasian parents) were uncomfortable talking about a person’s skin color for fear of teaching a racial construct.

Yet, to the researcher’s surprise, it was exactly this silence that was allowing already formed constructs to persist. The constructs were already there from the earliest ages!

Children categorize (i.e., make constructs) to make sense of this complex world, beginning when they are just babies.

Babies notice differences and categorize accordingly, but they don’t have preferences yet. These preferences begin as young as 3 years old. But, at no point are children color-blind toward race, like many adults hope.

Kid’s are developmentally prone to in-group preferences or favoritism. Differences in skin and hair color are like differences in shirt colors – they are visible to the eye without needing to be labeled.

It would seem that the timeframe parents think is too soon to begin discussing skin color with their children (or important not to discuss race) is the same timeframe that these young minds are forming their first conclusions about race.

Many parents quietly and subtly help their children feel comfortable and connected in this diverse world, by simply exposing them to diversity and assuming that this diversity becomes the accepted norm. That was the premise I was operating under prior to reading this book.

To my surprise, Bronson and Merryman conclude that it is critical to speak with children about racial differences in order to ensure less divisive attitudes. Simply exposing your children in meaningful and tangible ways to multi-racial people is not enough. There needs to be conversation!

A conversation with my daughter started after school yesterday when she began telling me the story of Rosa Parks refusing to sit in the back of the bus. She told the story with dramatic intonation and keen detail, just as her teacher would. Yet, when I asked her why Rosa Parks had to sit in the back of the bus, she shrugged.

I began explaining (so that a 5 year old might understand) that Rosa Parks had dark-colored skin.We looked at our own skin and talked about some friends with darker skin. I explained how people with light-colored skin used to be very mean to dark-skinned people. Before I could get very far, my daughter chimed right back in agreeing how long ago black people were not allowed to share the same bathrooms or drinking fountains with white people.

As much as I wanted to go into the ugly history here, I refrained. Little bits of information are easier to consume than long diatribes. Especially after an exhausting day of kindergarten.

Below are two children’s books that might help the conversation along:

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Biggest Secret to Parenting Success (Hint: It’s Not What You Think)

I sent a letter to my readers the other day, but just in case you missed it, I’ll summarize it here. I’ve discovered a significant saboteur of our best parenting intentions and I have a free gift to help you eliminate it!

I haven’t been writing here at Child Perspective lately and I bet you wonder where I went. Well, here’s the short version. I began noticing a trend with parents which led me down a slightly different path. Whether I was coaching you, reading personal emails from so many of you, or managing my own sanity, I was seeing a trend that is both toxic and pervasive.

Most Common Parenting Trend

Many of us are running ourselves ragged and parenting from a place of exhaustion.

As I recognized this in myself and took steps to address it, positive changes erupted! I made some small adjustments to my lifestyle and felt dramatically positive shifts in my mental and physical state. As I leaned into these lifestyle shifts a bit more, my family dynamics started shifting as well. Not only did I feel calmer and more patient, we also seemed to have more time. Yes, more time! More time turned into more fun for the whole family and exciting personal and professional shifts for us, the parents. Additionally, no one in my family has had a cold in over a year. Allergies have disappeared and my kiddos now slurp down green smoothies and eat all sorts of nourishing foods!

You’re probably wondering, where did this take me and how can you get in on it too?!

All these great rewards encouraged me to learn more to help others, like you, enliven your own health and experience more time. I realized more than ever that a healthy lifestyle is integral to a healthy and happy family.

I felt new passion to broaden my parent coaching services to incorporate a stronger focus on health as well.

Last year I decided to go back to school. I enrolled with the Institute for Integrative Nutrition (the oldest and largest nutrition school) to become a holistic health coach. I’m now offering my clients parent coaching or holistic health coaching, or a combination of the two.

Some of the benefits my clients have noticed:

  • more energy
  • more time
  • weight loss
  • greater clarity or clear thinking
  • eliminated sugar carvings
  • reduced mood swings
  • more patience
  • kids eating healthier
  • feel like a strong role model for children

 How this helps you

I know you want to be your best you so that you can enjoy these precious years. We all do. I know a greatest wish is to slow down time and experience more of it. Some of us can achieve this on our own. Most of us feel more motivated and therefore successful with some support, accountability, and empowerment in place. If that’s you, you’ll want to head over to EmilyGeizer.com to check out great opportunities for you!

For starters, I’m offering a free 5 week course – (sorry, it’s closed) - Holiday Health Transformation: Indulge in the Holidays to the Fullest Without Gaining a Pound. Scroll down to watch a video or click over to my health coaching website to read more.

Holiday Health Transformation

Do you tend to gain weight over the holidays? Are you scared to indulge in the magic of the season for what it may do to your waist line?

If you want to live the holidays to the fullest without gaining a pound, then you are in the right place

In the Holiday Health Transformation you will:

  • Discover quick tips to manage your stress and eat better so that you can have more fun and boost your metabolism.
  • Implement this proven system for living it up during the holiday season without your waist size going up.
  • Discover what to eat to give you more energy and a brighter mood.
  • Eliminate the stress from social gatherings so that you can truly enjoy your friends and loved ones.
  • Learn what to let go of to gain more pleasure, joy, and time.

You are in the right place if you are tired of yo-yo dieting, if you’ve tried everything and still gain weight more easily than you lose it, if you secretly dread the food struggle of the holidays. Start your transformation here!

The Holiday Health Transformation includes:

stress managementEach week you will receive one new audio lesson, filled with simple, practical tips for you to implement immediately to ensure your holidays are fun, healthy, and more satisfying than ever before! The audios are yours to listen to at your convenience.

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Get Built-In Support

You probably have a friend who will also enjoy this free class. Feel free to forward this page to them, post on Facebook, or pin to Pinterest so that they can join you. You can develop a great support network this way!

4 Steps to Raising Thankful Children

As Thanksgiving approaches, the chaos of the winter holidays can overshadow its essence. The spirit of thankfulness is a complex one for young kids to grasp, but by by modeling generosity all year long and talking about the subject, your child will begin to absorb and emulate this emotion. It’s a great start to discuss thankfulness during this time of year, but its more powerful to incorporate it into the everyday all year long.

And I’m not talking about the usual prompt, “What do you saaaay?” that we’ve all sung to our kids. Reminding kids to say thank you is simply a matter of politeness and doesn’t necessarily translate into a general attitude of gratitude.

So, how do we raise thankful children?

  1. Make gratitude a habit. Spend time each day appreciating what you have (love, shelter, food, family, friends, courage). You might create a daily ritual or tradition to help you remember to be grateful and establish family traditions for thinking about what we are thankful for and sharing it with others. Maybe you have a thankful tree, journal, shoebox, tablecloth, calendar, or space on the refrigerator.
  2. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. This means being thankful no matter what our situation in life. Thankfulness means that we are aware of both our blessings and disappointments but that we focus on the blessings.
  3. Express your thanks out loud. Don’t be quietly thankful. Your children need to know you are thankful for them, for your home, for friends, mentors, and for the other good things in your life. Celebrate your thankfulness often and initiate conversations.
  4. Be generous or giving and express how it affects others. Talk about being on both sides: giving and receiving. There are many ways to give: donating blood, money, food, clothing, time, and/or energy. Share these experiences with your children. Many community service projects are appropriate for elementary aged children.

By establishing any one of these practices, you can move the spirit of Thanksgiving from a one-day event to a foundational aspect of life.

For inspiration on crafts incorporating the theme of thankfulness, check out the projects on this fabulously artsy site.

Related post:

Your Kid’s Emotional Bucket

Bucket Filler

A friend of mine recently posted information about a kid’s book on her Facebook page. I was successfully distracting myself from more important things in my life, so I explored the link (and its links) and down the rabbit hole I went.

A System for Talking About Feelings

I discovered a whole system for dialoging about feelings that resonates with me. In fact, I use similar language when talking about our kids’s emotions with my husband, but I never knew about “the bucket”.

So, after reading my friend’s Facebook update, I went to the bookstore and bought two excellent books about bucket filling. (I’ll link to them at the bottom.) We came home, read the books, and quickly adopted this new language  - a kid-friendly language for emotions.

The Invisible Bucket

In short, everyone has an invisible bucket that they carry around. When you are feeling good and helping others, your bucket is full. If something bad or frustrating happens, some drops drip out of your bucket.

With any accumulation of bad things, a bucket becomes pretty empty. You can usually tell if someone has an empty bucket by their actions or facial expressions.

Often when people have empty buckets, they try to fill theirs by dipping into someone else’s bucket. Trouble is, that never works.

It turns out that the best way to fill your own bucket is to try to fill someone else’s, by smiling at the new kid, or helping someone with a spill. Then, both buckets get drops. Your family can make a list together of ideas for filling other people’s buckets.

Bucket filling is a system that has given us useful language for both constructive and destructive behavior. It’s a terrifically simple idea and that’s what I love about it! Emotions can be so confusing and complicated and the idea of bucket filling (or dipping) is visually appealing and concrete. It’s a concept that works for everyone in my family – including the 3 year old. We talk about filling other’s buckets often at dinner or the family meeting. Sometimes my kids like to decide in the morning how they will fill someone’s bucket during the day. It’s so cool!

Have You Filled a Bucket Today?

Amy, over at The Finer Things, encourages readers to find their own bucket filling opportunities:

Have You Filled a Bucket Today? Do you speak kindly? Go out of your way  to brighten someone’s day? Give of your time, talent, and treasure? Carry the load of a friend in need? Hug your hubby and your kids extra long before they leave for the day? Smile often? Leave a comment on a inspiring website? Bucket-filling opportunities abound!

Bucket Filling Resources: