Comments on: 10 Tips to Curb your Child’s Anger http://www.childperspective.com/anger/10-tips-to-curb-your-childs-anger/ Real Parenting Solutions Fri, 03 Sep 2010 02:16:28 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: A Timer: a surprising motivator http://www.childperspective.com/anger/10-tips-to-curb-your-childs-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-1473 A Timer: a surprising motivator Thu, 13 May 2010 18:46:20 +0000 http://childperspective.wordpress.com/?p=561#comment-1473 [...] but it can help many. So whether it is the morning routine, getting your kids ready for bed, a child’s anger, or potty training, a timer might be an essential tool for [...] [...] but it can help many. So whether it is the morning routine, getting your kids ready for bed, a child’s anger, or potty training, a timer might be an essential tool for [...]

]]> By: Tweets that mention Anger: 10 Tips to Curb It! -- Topsy.com http://www.childperspective.com/anger/10-tips-to-curb-your-childs-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-1366 Tweets that mention Anger: 10 Tips to Curb It! -- Topsy.com Wed, 21 Apr 2010 13:19:22 +0000 http://childperspective.wordpress.com/?p=561#comment-1366 [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Emily Geizer. Emily Geizer said: 10 Tips to Curb Your Child's Anger (great for fiesty preschoolers!) - http://ow.ly/1BbjF [...] [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Emily Geizer. Emily Geizer said: 10 Tips to Curb Your Child's Anger (great for fiesty preschoolers!) – http://ow.ly/1BbjF [...]

]]> By: Emily http://www.childperspective.com/anger/10-tips-to-curb-your-childs-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-1365 Emily Wed, 21 Apr 2010 12:55:12 +0000 http://childperspective.wordpress.com/?p=561#comment-1365 Melanie, I'm so sorry to hear about your illness and the subsequent tricky family stuff. The combination must be so taxing! I've sent you an email with some specific strategies and suggestions. In general you will want to: 1. allow your daughter to express her feelings (tips for that are in the email) 2. create additional structure for your daughter's day-to-day routine to provide an additional sense of security and dependability I wish you and your family all of the best. Please keep us posted! Melanie,

I’m so sorry to hear about your illness and the subsequent tricky family stuff. The combination must be so taxing!

I’ve sent you an email with some specific strategies and suggestions. In general you will want to:

1. allow your daughter to express her feelings (tips for that are in the email)
2. create additional structure for your daughter’s day-to-day routine to provide an additional sense of security and dependability

I wish you and your family all of the best. Please keep us posted!

]]> By: Melanie http://www.childperspective.com/anger/10-tips-to-curb-your-childs-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-1353 Melanie Mon, 19 Apr 2010 00:49:56 +0000 http://childperspective.wordpress.com/?p=561#comment-1353 Thanks for your great blog Emily. My family and I are really struggling with some major upheavals and it is all boiling down to temper tantrums and acting out from our daughter who is 2 years and 10 months old. I'm gravely ill and bedridden (which I have been for 4 weeks), to top it off, we have moved overseas back home to Canada to get help from family and medical care for me, but my husband had to stay behind in France for another month. We're living with my mother with my daughter and I sharing a bed, she has no room, some of her toys in suitcases, different caregivers day-to-day (grandparents, aunts, friends, etc.). I have been a stay-at-home mum for her so she has never been in anyone else's care, plus everything else that's going on. She is not a tantrum thrower typically (she's only had 2 in her whole life), until now. We've been back home in Canada for 2 weeks and almost every day she has had a major breakdown, acting up, tantrum with me. Lately I have felt a tad better and have been able to spend a bit more time with her, but it seems the more time I spend with her, the more she acts up with me. My intuition tells me it's because she has to unleash her stress somewhere and she feels most comfortable with me and trusts me. I try to just comfort her and acknowledge her feelings. I know it's all very difficult for her, but I'm hoping that you might have some strategies for me to help her ease her stress in a more "controlled" way - with mummy's help perhaps. I hate seeing her so scared and mad and sad and all of it. We talk about Daddy a lot and how we miss him and he'll be home in a few weeks and then we'll move into our own home again and be all together. I try to explain that Mummy's sick now, but I will be better soon too and will be able to play again just like before. I will likely be this sick for another 5 weeks, so I know this stressful situation will be continuing for her, so any help will be most appreciated. Thanks so much. Melanie Thanks for your great blog Emily. My family and I are really struggling with some major upheavals and it is all boiling down to temper tantrums and acting out from our daughter who is 2 years and 10 months old. I’m gravely ill and bedridden (which I have been for 4 weeks), to top it off, we have moved overseas back home to Canada to get help from family and medical care for me, but my husband had to stay behind in France for another month. We’re living with my mother with my daughter and I sharing a bed, she has no room, some of her toys in suitcases, different caregivers day-to-day (grandparents, aunts, friends, etc.). I have been a stay-at-home mum for her so she has never been in anyone else’s care, plus everything else that’s going on. She is not a tantrum thrower typically (she’s only had 2 in her whole life), until now. We’ve been back home in Canada for 2 weeks and almost every day she has had a major breakdown, acting up, tantrum with me. Lately I have felt a tad better and have been able to spend a bit more time with her, but it seems the more time I spend with her, the more she acts up with me. My intuition tells me it’s because she has to unleash her stress somewhere and she feels most comfortable with me and trusts me. I try to just comfort her and acknowledge her feelings. I know it’s all very difficult for her, but I’m hoping that you might have some strategies for me to help her ease her stress in a more “controlled” way – with mummy’s help perhaps. I hate seeing her so scared and mad and sad and all of it. We talk about Daddy a lot and how we miss him and he’ll be home in a few weeks and then we’ll move into our own home again and be all together. I try to explain that Mummy’s sick now, but I will be better soon too and will be able to play again just like before. I will likely be this sick for another 5 weeks, so I know this stressful situation will be continuing for her, so any help will be most appreciated.

Thanks so much.

Melanie

]]> By: Betsy Evans http://www.childperspective.com/anger/10-tips-to-curb-your-childs-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-1034 Betsy Evans Thu, 25 Mar 2010 15:21:37 +0000 http://childperspective.wordpress.com/?p=561#comment-1034 Library Momma, it may help you to know that more crying or screaming after naming a child's feelings is not necessarily a bad thing - it means, "YEHHH, I AM really angry!" And the louder version helps your child to fully empty out his feelings, and this is useful. As your child does this, continue to repeat, very calmly, the naming of feelings that you see and/or continue offering any physcial comfort your child is ok with. Remember that feelings have taken over, overwhelming the ability to think so limit your questions during crying as they require thoughts, and cognitive processing is not available right now! (Think of it like a canoe full of water that can't steer properly until the water is bailed out.) Just know that offering comfort and contact isn't an instant fix but may take a few minutes. Ask questions once your child has calmed in order to clearly sort out what actually happened. www.kidsandconflict.com Library Momma, it may help you to know that more crying or screaming after naming a child’s feelings is not necessarily a bad thing – it means, “YEHHH, I AM really angry!” And the louder version helps your child to fully empty out his feelings, and this is useful. As your child does this, continue to repeat, very calmly, the naming of feelings that you see and/or continue offering any physcial comfort your child is ok with. Remember that feelings have taken over, overwhelming the ability to think so limit your questions during crying as they require thoughts, and cognitive processing is not available right now! (Think of it like a canoe full of water that can’t steer properly until the water is bailed out.) Just know that offering comfort and contact isn’t an instant fix but may take a few minutes. Ask questions once your child has calmed in order to clearly sort out what actually happened.
http://www.kidsandconflict.com

]]> By: Emily http://www.childperspective.com/anger/10-tips-to-curb-your-childs-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-1023 Emily Wed, 24 Mar 2010 15:14:27 +0000 http://childperspective.wordpress.com/?p=561#comment-1023 Maybe instead of telling him how he feels, try asking him. "How are you feeling? Your voice is so loud when you scream." Or, "I see that you are crying can I give you a hug or do you want to talk or do you want some alone time?" It's also possible that even though you are acknowledging his feelings, that isn't enough comfort in certain situations. If he likes to be snuggled, hold him. If he likes space, give it to him. Somehow let him know that you love him and want to help him. If his crying feels more like an inconsolable tantrum, then calmly say, "I am going to walk away now. When you are done crying I will be happy to help you." Maybe instead of telling him how he feels, try asking him. “How are you feeling? Your voice is so loud when you scream.” Or, “I see that you are crying can I give you a hug or do you want to talk or do you want some alone time?”

It’s also possible that even though you are acknowledging his feelings, that isn’t enough comfort in certain situations. If he likes to be snuggled, hold him. If he likes space, give it to him. Somehow let him know that you love him and want to help him.

If his crying feels more like an inconsolable tantrum, then calmly say, “I am going to walk away now. When you are done crying I will be happy to help you.”

]]> By: Library Momma http://www.childperspective.com/anger/10-tips-to-curb-your-childs-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-1016 Library Momma Wed, 24 Mar 2010 01:52:01 +0000 http://childperspective.wordpress.com/?p=561#comment-1016 What do you do when you acknowledge your child's feelings and it makes him angrier or more upset? I've read this suggestion in many parenting books and have tried to implement it, but whenever I say something to my child such as "that must have made you angry," or "you look so mad," etc., he just screams more or cries more. What do you do when you acknowledge your child’s feelings and it makes him angrier or more upset? I’ve read this suggestion in many parenting books and have tried to implement it, but whenever I say something to my child such as “that must have made you angry,” or “you look so mad,” etc., he just screams more or cries more.

]]> By: Sibling Rivalry: 7 Tips to Minimize It http://www.childperspective.com/anger/10-tips-to-curb-your-childs-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-854 Sibling Rivalry: 7 Tips to Minimize It Sun, 21 Feb 2010 18:37:25 +0000 http://childperspective.wordpress.com/?p=561#comment-854 [...] healthy anger management. Demonstrate conflict resolution and negotiation skills. Teach your children how to express disappointment, frustration, or sadness in a healthy and [...] [...] healthy anger management. Demonstrate conflict resolution and negotiation skills. Teach your children how to express disappointment, frustration, or sadness in a healthy and [...]

]]> By: Curbing it! | Child Perspective http://www.childperspective.com/anger/10-tips-to-curb-your-childs-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-793 Curbing it! | Child Perspective Mon, 08 Feb 2010 01:31:29 +0000 http://childperspective.wordpress.com/?p=561#comment-793 [...] addition to implementing these 10 steps (read my own process below), I have recalibrated my own thinking, experience, and approach. I feel [...] [...] addition to implementing these 10 steps (read my own process below), I have recalibrated my own thinking, experience, and approach. I feel [...]

]]> By: Betsy Evans http://www.childperspective.com/anger/10-tips-to-curb-your-childs-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-784 Betsy Evans Wed, 03 Feb 2010 15:46:43 +0000 http://childperspective.wordpress.com/?p=561#comment-784 The 10 tips on anger are excellent! I am a conflict resolution trainer of teachers and parents and Emily has suggested very effective short and long term strategies for supporting children in the midst of deep and scary emotions. I am particularly appreciative that she lists acknowledging feelings as the #1 strategy, and cautions that adults need to set aside their own judgement of the child's emotion. These judgements interfere with understanding that children do not choose to be angry - it overtakes them both physically and emotionally, and the most effective first response is to stay calm and simply name the emotion. This can be hard as children express strong emotions so physically! But a calm voice that names feelings, again and again, until the child has calmed, let's a child know they are safe and they will calm much more quickly. The last tip of including the now calm child in solving the problem is an excellent next step. Thanks for promoting such supportive practices with young children. www.kidsandconflict.com The 10 tips on anger are excellent! I am a conflict resolution trainer of teachers and parents and Emily has suggested very effective short and long term strategies for supporting children in the midst of deep and scary emotions. I am particularly appreciative that she lists acknowledging feelings as the #1 strategy, and cautions that adults need to set aside their own judgement of the child’s emotion. These judgements interfere with understanding that children do not choose to be angry – it overtakes them both physically and emotionally, and the most effective first response is to stay calm and simply name the emotion. This can be hard as children express strong emotions so physically! But a calm voice that names feelings, again and again, until the child has calmed, let’s a child know they are safe and they will calm much more quickly. The last tip of including the now calm child in solving the problem is an excellent next step.

Thanks for promoting such supportive practices with young children.
http://www.kidsandconflict.com

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