You’re Not My Friend Anymore! – Book Review

There’s a new book tackling conflict resolution called, You’re Not My Friend Anymore! I was surprised by what I found and am excited to tell you about it.

Overview

When Betsy Evans wrote You’re Not My Friend Anymore!, she hoped to make the problem-solving or conflict resolution aspect of parenting easily accessible and maybe even fun. She has accomplished this goal by creating a simple, yet very dynamic book.

This book puts common behavior issues under a microscope and then offers problem-solving solutions in 6 steps. The book dissects the common behavioral challenges using both text and cartoon illustrations.

Evans demonstrates to parents how to look for the opportunity or teachable moment in a conflict, rather than focusing on a disciplinary action. Conflict resolution is not an innate ability. Evans recognizes this and advocates for involving children in the problem-solving process. Through involvement, kids are coached and trained in conflict resolution, all by using these 6 steps:

1. Approach calmly, stopping any hurtful actions.
2. Acknowledge children’s feelings.
3. Gather information.
4. Restate the problem.
5. Ask for ideas for solutions and choose one together.
6. Be prepared to give follow-up support.

What I Like About the Book

I really enjoyed all aspects of the book. The set-up is consistent and easy to understand. The combination of illustrations (by the talented Jonathon Wilcox) and text simplify very complex situations. Since conflicts can be so frustrating, it’s really helpful to see them illustrated and analyzed from different perspectives.

You’re Not My Friend Anymore! is filled with a spectrum of common behavior issues, such as sharing, excluding children, separation anxiety, biting, etc. Evans makes these issues very easy to tackle. The 6 steps for problem solving work beautifully for the various scenarios.

If you’ve ever read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, you know how useful those illustrations were in bringing the scenarios to life. Similarly, You’re Not My Friend Anymore! provides illustrations of  1). typical responses to these behavior issues and 2). problem-solving responses to these issues.

Recommendation

I recommend that all parents, teachers, and caregivers read You’re Not My Friend Anymore! This book is a must-read for anyone who will be in the presence of children during a conflict. Parents should keep this one in their parenting toolbox for quick reference.

You will continue to see links to this book in future Child Perspective articles because it compliments my parenting methodology so perfectly.