Who doesn’t want a quick and easy solution for potty training?

I’m sorry to say that the Getting Started Package is not currently available, but you can get lots of great potty training tips in the series here.

Your child is ready if s/he:

Below are 5 simple commands to try with your child.

Ask these in a natural, playful way:

What does this mean?

If your child responds appropriately to the above list then he or she is ready to begin potty training! My potty training strategy advocates that you understand your own child’s development and harness her readiness rather than just waiting for the mysterious magical moment (psst – there isn’t one!). The longer you wait, the harder it gets.

That’s about all it takes to potty train a toddler. Just one week!

Day 1 of potty training

The potty training process was surprisingly smooth. Her sister had been about 6 months older when she potty trained, so I braced myself for a bumpier road. I’m not sure why. I knew better. But all the recent advice states that it is easier as children get older. Flat. Out. Wrong.

Our example is one case and point, but not a unique situation by any stretch. You can read more about the history of potty training and current global trends here. You’ll find that it is actually easiest when you potty train at the right time.

In these cases I’m particularly grateful to know a lot about child development. Her right time was pretty clear. It’s not rocket science. It just takes tuning in and some awareness.

She mastered the potty in just days and has been perfectly trained, with no regressions, since then – over 9 months ago.

It would have been easy to decide on the first day or two that she wasn’t ready, but I knew better. Although, the process came with challenges, there was also ample success.

You may be wondering how I knew better. I had been observing her development and knew that she was up to the challenge. I understand that new things are scary whether you are 19 months or 19 years old. We conveyed compassion, empathy, and confident encouragement.  Once No More Diapers Day arrived, there was no going back.

If you are planning to begin this process, take a few minutes to read the tips found in Follow the Zing of Potty Training.

The Road to Success:

Day 1 - We had a goodbye to the diapers ceremony that my daughter participated in.We lit a fire in the fireplace and took off her diaper and pants.

The fire crackled all day long and much of the day was spent in the bathroom reading and rereading every book.

The first few accidents were pretty devastating to her. We maintained our calm encouragement and assured her everything was okay. She was just learning a tricky new thing.

Day 2 - We spent *slightly* less time in the bathroom, because her pattern and signs were becoming clearer. By this point we had exhausted our large book collection a dozen times over.

Day 3 – She got to wear cotton underwear and leave the house for the first time since beginning the training began to pick up her sister from school. Success!

Day 4 - Less time was spent in the bathroom and only one accident, for which I might have to take responsibility. I was preoccupied, and her bathroom plea was like background noise for me. Oops. Do as I say, not as I do. Resist distractions!

Days 5, 6, and 7 - Fewer preemptive bathroom trips. We relied more heavily on her requests. She had now been completely, reliably dry for three full days. She had even been on numerous outings and able to anticipate her needs and alert us so that we got to a toilet in time.

We were very happy for her accomplishments, but knew this was not a done deal. In fact, far from it. There were sure to be many months of carrying around extra clothes, just in case. Many more months of hyper-awareness to her bathroom needs. And still, many more months of waking during the night for preemptive bathroom trips.

But I was happy that she could be out and about in town and effectively communicate her potty needs after just one week.  Most importantly, she felt delighted with herself!

While some approaches toward this milestone can be very traumatic, this approach was supportive, effective, and quick. In fact, her delight and newfound self-confidence was evident after just the second day. She reacted very positively to our increased expectations and her ability to meet them. This reaction will not always coincide with increased expectations, but is more likely when the expectations are challenging in a developmentally appropriate way.

We immediately noticed her newfound confidence. She had a massive shift spanning across various aspects of her personality. She became more expressive with strangers. She began using bigger words. She attempted new physical challenges.

This method of potty training is relatively painless. Forget about the regularly mentioned and feared struggles and resistance. That will be avoided if the child feels empowered and respected throughout the process.

To read more on this subject, check out:

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I was happy to read this recent comment posted on another site:

“I also, personally, wouldn’t resort to stickers from the start… the reward of wearing cool undies and being dry and not wearing diapers should be incentive enough! Save the stickers as a fall-back in case things really are still not going well after a couple weeks or so and she needs ‘extra’ motivation.”

What are your thoughts?

To read more on this subject, check out:

1. regression (see post on regression)
2. missing the zing and therefore training an older child

In either case, it’s time to evaluate the situation, stop the battles, and begin again with a fresh, new approach. First, empower the child!

REMINDER: Empowering does not mean relinquishing power to your child. It means to share some power with your child. Find ways to let your child feel some sense of control and independence, even though you, the adult, are “the decider”. Dr. Maria Montessori writes, “To let the child do as he likes when he has not yet developed any powers of control is to betray the idea of freedom.”

To begin: buy or create a calendar for your child. Open it up to today. Mark a few events or upcoming holidays on the calendar (someone’s birthday, snack day, swimming lessons, etc). With confidence and clarity, ask your child to choose a day to ditch the diapers (remember this is all diapers – daytime and nighttime).

Once the ditchin’ diapers date is set and written on the calendar you can cross off the days and look forward to the various events. Refer to the ditchin’ diapers date periodically and casually. Not as a threat. Not as a bribe. Just another event happening soon.

When the time comes, have your child help with ditchin’ the diapers (donating or passing them along to a friend). Support your child and encourage him so that he feels positive about this process. Empower you child.  By believing in his ability to succeed, he will feel capable of succeeding.

Believe it or not, children do love to gain independence!

Nighttime Tip: Take your child to the toilet before you go to bed and then again a few hours later to help avoid bed-wetting. These quick disruptions are less jarring for parents than changing sheets in the middle of the night. It also helps the child feel successful with getting to the potty and staying dry all night. The goal is for the child to feel successful.

The difficult part is really very short relative to the huge leap your child is making. Stick to it. Once you graduate from puddles on the floor and wet bed sheets, you are off and running.

Congratulations on taking control of the situation!

To read more on this subject, check out:

I initially found my daughter’s potty training regression disheartening and frustrating. The only time an “accident” ever happened was at school. It took me awhile to understand the reasons: difficult access to bathroom, toilet paper out-of-reach, ridiculously heavy door to bathroom, and the normal stress of starting preschool at age 2.

These were significant obstacles, but we were able to ease her angst and this common potty training issue slowly resolved itself. If you follow the tips below, you can get your child back on track too.

Tips to end potty training regression:

1. Empower your child. Show her you know she can do it.
2. Be consistent!
3. Provide  a lot of positive reinforcement for remaining dry.
4. No negative attention and very few words regarding wet clothes.
5. Regular reminders to go to the bathroom to help create the habit (even just the habit of considering the need to go to the bathroom).  Not as a question, “do you need to go”, instead as a statement, “ time to go to the bathroom”.
6. Encourage your child to help with cleaning up the messes (children enjoy helping; this is not a punishment).
7. Be consistent (I can’t repeat this enough!)
8. Don’t engage in long discussions, just clear, matter-of-fact directions and lots of praise (Check out my praise posts, because this is a critical piece).
9. Do not turn this into a disciplinary matter!

What ever you do, don’t despair, throw your hands in the air, and revert back to diapers. It’s time to reflect on the process: stop the battles, recalibrate, and start fresh.

Experts identify the following reasons for regression:

Keep in mind that recently trained children need reminders to go to the bathroom. This is how you can help your child to feel successful. Help her get to the bathroom on time.

Do not take “no” for an answer if you feel it has been too long between bathroom breaks. Honor what the child is focused on at the time, while also imparting the importance of listening to one’s own body (an important life message). For example (please extrapolate to your own circumstance), “I see that you are very focused on your activity, but it is time to take a break to sit on the toilet and then you can return to your activity.”  This is not a question.  This does not need an apology. This is a directive. Directives can be said in loving and assertive ways.

Your child will be inspired by your renewed faith in her abilities.  Maximize this momentum!

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There is a dizzying array of materials on the subject of potty training. While every child, family, and situation is different, there are some basic developmental stages and approaches to potty training that are backed by research.

First take a brief look at history to gain some insight:

In the 1950′s, 92% of children were potty trained by 18 months old. Today, roughly only about 4% of toddlers are potty trained by 18 months. In fact, only 60% are trained by 3 years old!

Current research:

Yet, current research suggests that the ideal window is between 18-32 months and those trained later show more problems with the training process and have ongoing issues of incontinence. In the end, age should not be the deciding factor. Instead look at physical and developmental readiness clues.

Assessing readiness:

Your child is ready if s/he:

• already shows a pattern of following rules and directions
• can safely walk to and from the potty
• is free of medical problems that might complicate this process
• can follow simple commands

Below are 5 simple commands to try with your child.
Ask these in a natural, playful way:

1. Point to your nose.
2. Point to your mouth.
3. Sit down.
4. Stand up.
5. Place one object inside another: “put baby doll in a stroller”.

I know, these may seem like surprising ways to gauge if your child is ready to potty train, but they’re all you need. It’s an added bonus if your child is demonstrating an active interest in the potty, but that is not the magic sign. Many parents make the mistake of waiting for this behavior alone. This may come much later, well past the time when potty training is the easiest.

What does this mean?

If your child responds appropriately to the above list then he or she is ready to begin potty training! My potty training strategy advocates that you understand your own child’s development and harness her readiness rather than just waiting for the mysterious magical moment (psst – there isn’t one!). The longer you wait, the harder it gets.

Like other areas of child development, the child is often there and ready (in her zing) before the parent is aware or ready. This causes unanticipated problems.

These zing moments are temporary and if missed become remedial teachings. Developing new skills, such as using a potty, is most effective when in the zing. After the zing passes, teaching takes much more work, backtracking, and sometimes even force.

This is where the adult’s keen awareness, positive support, and matter-of-fact attitude come into play.

Tips for Potty Training Your Toddler:

• Create a period of time to devote to this project. Make sure that it syncs with your child’s zing and your own ability to be around home for at least a few days.
• Periodically mention to your toddler that he soon be all done with using diapers and will get to use a toilet. Begin these conversations prior to the change to allow the child to begin to absorb the idea.
• Make the choice to begin the process and don’t look back. If you are hesitant, your child will be too.
• When the time comes, put away the diapers for good and set your sights on this goal.
• Maintain a tone that is matter-of-fact, confident, warm, and encouraging throughout the process.
• Place a child-sized potty in the bathroom so the child can sit independently.
• Allow your child to see family members using the toilet.
• It is helpful if the child can be naked or nearly naked when beginning this process. An unexpected trickle of urine will quickly become associated with the need for muscle control. When dressing, use only cotton underwear.
• Prepare yourself and your house for many puddles. After all, making it to the potty is less hit and more miss at first.
• From the beginning allow your child to participate in the clean-up.
• Begin daytime and nighttime training simultaneously.

Stick with it! Consistency and attitude are key. When you begin to second guess this or worse, are discouraged by skeptical, unsure, or jealous friends, remember this:

In the 1950s studies indicate that 92% of children (both boys and girls) were potty trained by 18 months. Parenting has changed in the past 50-60 years, but children’s developmental capabilities have not.

More from the Potty Training Series:

• Potty training success story!
• End toilet training regression now!
• Toilet training the older child
• Rewards for potty training?