Do you ever feel like an emotion coach for your child? That’s exactly what they need us to be. They need us to help identify and name emotions, help anticipate and recognize emotions, and help to manage them.
I have written about anger previously in a short series. Today’s article is less about a major behavior crisis like suppressed anger and more about the frequent temper tantrums or moments of whining and frustration.
Photo credit: kakisky from morguefile.com
Strong emotions can be scary for children to experience, yet unfortunately, that fear or alarm doesn’t stop the emotion but rather adds additional fuel to their fire. Our job as parents beckons us to help our children learn to manage their emotions (as adults we need to be working on this too).
Just as it is important to understand what triggers your child’s tantrums or anger, it is also important to understand what soothes him. Ask yourself:
- When he is upset, does he like to be held or does he like space?
- Is he easily distracted or redirected?
- Has he had enough physical activity today? Repetitive motion helps soothe frayed nerves (walking, running, jumping, swinging).
- Can I slow down, meet him at eye level, and show him how to take deep breaths? Kids might reject this in the heat of the moment. It’s especially beneficial if this skill can be taught during a peaceful, calm time, like before bed. Place something (child’s hand, stuffed animal, book) on your child’s belly and encourage him to move it up and down with breaths.
- Is he experiencing sensory overload (or “underload”, for that matter)? Change the environment whether inside or outside. Fill the sink with luke warm water and bubbles for your child. Set him up with something squishy, such as play-doh or clay. Turn on some music. Get out the finger paints.
If you don’t know how to soothe your child, experiment. Make a plan and take note of what is effective. Be your child’s ally and begin to anticipate times when tensions might flare, so that you can help your child manage the build-up of tempers rather than just reacting to the tantrum.
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This is a great post! I was just explaining this exact thing to my husband. Trying to learn to be proactive instead of reactive. I have a 3 year old daughter and she throws tantrums all the time!
I love your site and the article! It’s very useful.