Are your conversations frequently interrupted by kids? Are you often correcting: “stop interrupting me” or “how many times have I told you blah, blah, blah”? Welcome to parenthood. This is a phase every parent will experience and often only react to in the moment.
Like all manners, the etiquette around this needs to be taught. Children are not born with an innate understanding of societal expectations.
As a preschool teacher, I learned the importance of teaching the kids how to interrupt appropriately. Kids are excited and eager to share, ask questions, get help, and connect with adults. All of this enthusiasm means a lot of potential problems with interrupting. The “interrupting lesson” gets taught during the first week of school and then it gets repeated and repeated.
In my classroom, just like in my house, we have a rule for getting an adult’s attention when he is otherwise occupied. It’s simple. Gently place a hand on the adult’s shoulder, arm, or back. Without constantly moving the hand or creeping the fingers higher, just keep the hand placed until the adult is ready to talk.
Then, the adult can rest his hand on top to let the child know that he is aware that she is waiting. This seems to quell their impatience briefly.
This practice has to be taught and you can even have fun with it by role playing. Once it has been taught, it is very easy to put into regular practice.
The beauty of this simple practice is that the conversation or activity is never interrupted. You do not have to stop your conversation to verbally correct your child. Once you have taught your child this simple practice, then you can simply pat your arm or shoulder if you need to remind her not to interrupt. DO NOT STOP TALKING and DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT, this only indicates success to the child. Continue your conversation and without looking at your child, pat your arm or shoulder.
There are many changes parents enjoy once their child has absorbed the rituals of a Montessori classroom. The interrupting lesson is always among the favorites of the parents because it improves their own quality of life. If you are consistent and the child feels successful, you will enjoy many more completed conversations.
Thanks Emily…I will try this. We’ve tried somewhat similar tactics, but I like that this involves a very specific action and that it lets the child know the parent is aware…I think that is a key piece that has been missing. Do you have any suggestions for when it’s not possible for the child to physically touch the adult (at the dinner table, in a car etc.)
Hopefully we will be experts at this new skill next time we see you!
Missed you at the museum today. Were you there, you could have witnesses much interrupting by my child
If you are not near your child when they are trying to get your attention (and after they are already familiar with the hand-on approach), you can:
1. put your index finger in the air (showing “wait a minute”) or,
2. put your whole hand in the air (showing “stop”)
Leave it up there until you are done speaking, just as you would keep your hand placed on top of hers.
this is a great idea, i will try it. (for my self as well
)
thank you.
At what age in your Montessori experience would this start being taught to children? I am curious. I’m sure no time is too soon?
This is typically introduced in the Montessori toddler room and has been successful at home with my youngest, who is now 2-years-old.
Thanks for the tip! Will try it today with my toddler. Thanks for sharing.
This is a lovely idea.
Of course, I’m considering the possibility that my daughter will adapt this newfound strategy by permanently affixing her hand to my arm with Krazy Glue, but I’m willing to give it a shot.
What an interesting idea
I’m afraid that it might not be suitable in schools with a no-touching policy – but perhaps it could be adapted. Maybe the child could put their hand up to speak and, without interrupting what you or someone else are saying, give them a thumbs up.
That sounds like a great way to handle your specific situation, Rowan. The main point is that the child does NOT interrupt the already-in-process conversation and that there is acknowledgement when letting someone know that s/he is waiting.