I recently titled a post, 5 Must Read Parenting Books, but I must add the book, Playful Parenting to the list. The simple title does not do this brilliant, complex book justice. It is definitely a must read and hopefully this post will provide enough of an introduction to make you hungry for the knowledge. This post is in no way intended to be a summary, just a tease. Go buy the book right away!
Playful Parenting, by Lawrence J. Cohen, stresses the importance of fostering and maintaining connection with children of all ages through their mode of communication – play.
“Play is children’s main way of communicating. To stop a child from play is like stopping an adult from talking and thinking. To control every minute of their play is like controlling every word someone says. But to leave children all alone in their play is like spending the day with other adults and never talking with them.”
All children have a playful side and parents can learn so much about their children from observing and participating in this play! Kids are best able to express their daily frustrations, challenges, and joys through play. Since most children don’t just sit down and show their vulnerability or ask to talk, play is a viable means for connecting with your child on their playing field. It must be on their terms.
I recommend every parent read this book. Here are just a few of my favorite highlights:
- Replace play (connection) for discipline (isolation) whenever possible! Stretch your imagination and temper your temper to make it more and more possible.
- Encourage, ask, or tease your child into playing with you (yes, your 13 or 14 yr old too).
- Children (like adults, or is that just me?) dance between feelings of isolation and connection regularly.
- Children’s difficulties cannot always sort themselves out if they are left alone. This is one reason why time-out is mostly ineffective.
- The idea that all children have emotional cups that become empty when they are tired, hungry, frustrated,etc. When kids are nastiest is when they desperately need us to connect, rather than discipline. Parental connection is what fills that metaphorical cup.
- Don’t ignore or take for granted those precious, vulnerable requests for interaction, engagement, and connection.
The initial work of reading and implementing another strategy may seem daunting to some and exciting to others. I guarantee that the work that it takes in the beginning, the challenge to stretch yourself as a parent, will improve your life and your relationship with your child dramatically. If you implement the methodology of this book, your child will be forever impacted and grateful!
This book is for you if you’ve ever wondered:
- why you are always putting your child in time-out, even though it rarely improves her behavior
- how to react differently to your child’s misbehavior
- how you can play that game one more time without losing your mind
- how to shift the dynamic to laugh more with your child
- what your child is really thinking or what might be troubling her
Playful Parenting, also recently reviewed at PhD in Parenting, is a refreshing parenting book that takes on the important and often neglected parenting issue – having fun with your kids. We expect fun to be a natural part of parenting, and sometimes it is. But, when it isn’t we wonder what went wrong and regret our loss rather than understand how to reconnect.
Do you struggle to maintain connection with your child? How do you regain it after a temporary lapse?
Emily, I started reading this book a week ago and it has already had a wonderful and dramatic effect on how I parent, especially with my 3 year old. I never would have thought that the best way to deal with some of the “unwanted” behaviors would be through play. The best bonus of using this to dissolve some of these behaviors is that, in the end, I feel so connected to my daughter. I am so glad that you recommended this book. Thank you!
I haven’t read this book but will try to look for it in our local library. Thanks for the thumbs up on this book.