A few weeks after our 19-month-old became potty trained, we told her it was time to give up her pacifiers (which she refers to as “bites”). In theory, I would not recommend changes around two significant habits (diapers and pacifiers) in such a short time span. A month or two in between would be preferable.
You might be wondering, then, what possessed us to push ahead?
Timing is everything. Like the tips I gave for potty training, the child needs to be able to understand when the change (ridding of the pacifier, in this case) is taking place. It’s challenging for a 1.5 year old to anticipate future events (tomorrow is just as abstract of an idea as 3 days or 1 week).
We took advantage of a big event that my toddler could grasp for timing. We were fortunate to have the unique occurrence of her dad being out-of-town for an extended period coupled with her grandma visiting. This was the sort of major event we needed to take advantage of. A few days before her dad left we announced that when he returned she would be all done with her “bites”. This eventually morphed into the notion that her grandma would take them home with her on the airplane for babies who needed them.
On the day Grandma was leaving, my daughter packed the pacifiers into Grandma’s suitcase. When we drove Grandma to the airport we talked a bit about how happy the babies would be. We said farewell to Grandma and farewell to the pacifiers. It was big. It was positive. She knew what was happening.
Her grandma asked if we wanted to keep one pacifier around “just in case”. Just in case . . . what? Just in case we give in to a weak moment. No, we packed all of the pacifiers into the suitcase. I’ve been happy to have them completely out of the house, because there have been plenty of weak moments (3am) when a plug would be nice. Instead, she has worked through her habit, her addiction and each day it gets a little easier.
Our daughter still talks about the babies who need her “bites”. She feels a sense of pride and satisfaction knowing that she is getting “bigger” and doesn’t need these things anymore, while also helping someone else. We took advantage of this opportunity to instill the importance and value of helping others – even when it makes us less comfortable.
It’s critical and more relevant, to look for opportunities in our everyday lives to teach these values. Teach them often and all of the time. Redundancy is a good thing here.
I’ve heard some great getting-rid-of-the paci stories. There’s the pacifier fairy story and the story about building a pacifier into a Build-A-Bear or cutting the tips of the paci until the child becomes disinterested in the remaining stub.
How did you get the pacifier out of your house? Or, what plans are you making?
We ended the pacifier addiction when our daughter was 2 years old. We also used the angle that she would be helping others who needed them more than her. We packed them all in a box and “mailed” them to “the babies”. We left it out on the front porch and the mailman left her a small gift when he picked it up (the mailman being us). She too was very proud of herself and felt like a big girl. She is almost three and still feels pride in what she did.
Great stuff here. I have a child in great love with her “passy” and we have gradually cut back when and where she is able to have it. This has been a big step so far. I don’t personally care if she has it until she is three or three and a half really. Then we will draw the line. I think every child is so different. In Una’s case, I don’t think its so much to “plug her” but its a huge soother for her, and one that calms her immensely. In the book “Mother Daughter Wisdom” by Christine Northrup, MD there is a great section on oral needs, and I tend to take her perspective. I know that Una giving up her passy will be hard for all involved ( I love the idea of giving them to the babies, this is so great), and we will eventually get there. But I don’t care if she has it until she gets bigger if it helps her cope and feel secure. Northrup feels that in some cases, a “draw the line” approach on using pacifiers and bottles can create oral fixations and proneness to addictions like smoking later in life. Again, I think you have to figure it out in relation to what your child needs, and what you sense about your child. Per Una, I feel like it would be a negative to draw that line right now. We ARE ditching the diapers this week however (during the DAY to start). Taking a special trip to buy undies with Mom tomorrow!
We were lucky with our boy. I’ve realized that every time I’ve stressed about something with him, it’s been for nothing. He always seems to work it out by himself in the end. Sleeping, toilet training, hunger striking, etc. I decided not to stress about the pacifier. He used it only in bed and I figured as long as it was gone by the time he graduated high school, I was good. As it happened, a few months after my daughter was born, he simply lost interest. At 2 1/2 years old. The girl never had a pacifier, but I can see I’m in for a wild ride with her bottle…