In The Trouble with Time Out, I wrote how time out is seldom the most effective means to correct inappropriate behavior. That being said, there is a time and place for separating a child from a provocative situation.
As a teacher and parent, I never use the phrase “time out”. It is permeated with negative connotations and all too frequent use. Yet, the time and separation that “time outs” provide can be a positive, even empowering opportunity for the child (when done well). How do you do this well?
- Rather than threatening time out, state your wishes in the positive: “If you would like to continue playing with Sam, then you need to stop throwing sand. If you throw sand again, you will have to get out of the sandbox until you are ready to listen.”
- Allow the child to determine the length of separation based on readiness. This is an opportunity to practice managing his own behavior and moods.
- When the child is ready to return to the group, do not question him. Say, “I’m so glad you are ready to listen and keep the sand low in the sandbox.” That’s it. No lectures. No punitive looks.
A couple of examples:
(1) My daughter has been enjoying shrieking loudly inside the house. I mean, REALLY loud. She gets a rise out of her sister and her parents. Immediately rewarding!
Response:
I calmly take her by the hand, lead her outside, and say, “That is an outside voice. You can make that noise out here. When you are done and ready to use an inside voice you may come back inside the house”.
She determines when she is ready. Sometimes it is shorter than I would have decided, but often it is longer.
(2) In preschool children often test limits. It’s to be expected. After all, it is a necessary phase of their development! Group time/circle time is a common time and place for this acting out to occur. Some children are not responsive to redirection when talking out-of-turn or moving inappropriately.
Response:
I calmly ask the child to leave the group until she is ready to sit still or raise her hand (whatever is necessary to correct the offending behavior). When she is ready to act appropriately, she can come back and try again. Often, this is all it takes.
Is this a traditional time out? Not exactly, but it serves the same purpose of separating the child and giving him some space to cool down. Moreover, it gives responsibility and power to the child to make a good decision and correct the behavior independently.
Better than threatening, “you’re going into time-out if I see that again!” (for the 100th time), you can use a potentially negative situation for a positive learning opportunity. Remember that children want to please adults and feel connected. Often times acting out is just a cry for connection. What is your child really saying?
Not sure how to turn your negative into a positive? Write to me, and I’ll consider an alternative approach.
we have used the phrase “time out” w/ my willfull 2 and a half yr old daughter , but it has indeed become rather negative, so we are working on switching it to something else, I liked someone elses “thinking chair” term, that is great.
I have been working on more ignoring when possible, which often extinguishes the behavior quickly. Instead of taking Una away and isolating her, and because she cannot be left outside and is not yet at a point where she can remove herself effectively, I have often taken a time out for myself, telling her I need some space, and going into another room , and withdrawing my attention (briefly). She will inevitably follow me, and sometimes I will shut a door briefly or something like that, ignoring her (very dramatic) cries. She absolutely hates this (not having my attention) and it works better than “time out” for her lately, and gives me some sense of control over the situation.
I don’t believe in the traditional time out or sit in the corner punishment. It doesn’t work with my boys. I have tried several methods with my boys and students and the one that works best is removing rewards and privillages after warnings.
The pupil realise that the behaviour is not acceptable and there is no allowance for such misbehaving in class when they are sent out or to other classes.