Your Kid’s Emotional Bucket

A friend of mine recently posted information about a kid’s book on her Facebook page. I was successfully distracting myself from more important things in my life, so I explored the link (and its links) and down the rabbit hole I went.

A System for Talking About Feelings

I discovered a whole system for dialoging about feelings that resonates with me. In fact, I use similar language when talking about our kids’s emotions with my husband, but I never knew about “the bucket”.

So, after reading my friend’s Facebook update, I went to the bookstore and bought two excellent books about bucket filling. (I’ll link to them at the bottom.) We came home, read the books, and quickly adopted this new language  - a kid-friendly language for emotions.

The Invisible Bucket

In short, everyone has an invisible bucket that they carry around. When you are feeling good and helping others, your bucket is full. If something bad or frustrating happens, some drops drip out of your bucket.

With any accumulation of bad things, a bucket becomes pretty empty. You can usually tell if someone has an empty bucket by their actions or facial expressions.

Often when people have empty buckets, they try to fill theirs by dipping into someone else’s bucket. Trouble is, that never works.

It turns out that the best way to fill your own bucket is to try to fill someone else’s, by smiling at the new kid, or helping someone with a spill. Then, both buckets get drops. Your family can make a list together of ideas for filling other people’s buckets.

Bucket filling is a system that has given us useful language for both constructive and destructive behavior. It’s a terrifically simple idea and that’s what I love about it! Emotions can be so confusing and complicated and the idea of bucket filling (or dipping) is visually appealing and concrete. It’s a concept that works for everyone in my family – including the 3 year old. We talk about filling other’s buckets often at dinner or the family meeting. Sometimes my kids like to decide in the morning how they will fill someone’s bucket during the day. It’s so cool!

Have You Filled a Bucket Today?

Amy, over at The Finer Things, encourages readers to find their own bucket filling opportunities:

“Have You Filled a Bucket Today? Do you speak kindly? Go out of your way  to brighten someone’s day? Give of your time, talent, and treasure? Carry the load of a friend in need? Hug your hubby and your kids extra long before they leave for the day? Smile often? Leave a comment on a inspiring website? Bucket-filling opportunities abound!

Bucket Filling Resources:

• Have You Filled A Bucket Today, by  Carol McCloud
• How Full Is Your Bucket? For Kids, by Tom Rath and Mary Reckmeyer
• Bucketfillers for Life, Inc. – the original character education program based upon the bucket filling metaphor
• Bucket Fillers 101 website
• 20 ideas for filling someone’s bucket at Zen Family Habits.