I’m enjoying a moment of tired children and early bedtimes. Yes, I was gifted with an unexpected 30 minutes of quiet this evening and had the pleasure of exploring the website Babble. There are some interesting parenting articles there, but tonight I had the unfamiliar pleasure of finding a provocative parenting article.
The author, Katie Allison Granju, articulates the dichotomy of modern day parenting (between intentional, conscientious parenting and intensive, hyper-parenting) very astutely. I find it provocative for a number of reasons. It speaks to me personally, as a child educator and advocate. While I believe and write about thoughtful and engaged parenting, I also believe children need to explore, test, and experience natural consequences to their choices. I strike a balance that seems to be unexpected, and therefore often misinterpreted, that’s passionate about children and their development but not obsessed with my child’s every step and stumble.
Similarly, Granju says, “I have often described my parenting philosophy as ‘benign neglect.’ Responsive parenting means just that: we respond to children’s needs. It’s not the same as over-parenting, in which we anticipate, preempt, or take control of our children’s needs and developmental tasks.”
Granju’s article is both thoughtful and current. It touches on a personal process to which all parents can relate. Its relevance is broad and entangled in the whole parenting package, including the torturous school choice. This is the “hot” conversation in our area these days as magnet and charter school applications are imminently due. I am struck by how shaken many parents seem as they navigate where to give up control of their child’s otherwise completely controlled environment. It literally rattles their cages.
School is a very important issue and one that should be taken seriously. So, take it seriously — talk to other parents, go to PTA meetings, visit, observe, drop-in and then make a decision and TRUST your child’s ability to succeed. It is your trust, after all, that allows your child to feel empowered and trustworthy.
This article, The Over Parenting Crisis, highlights the importance of seeing the world through your child’s eyes. The more I understand my child and follow her zing, the more context I have through which to view the larger picture and trust my child’s ability to flourish. “Knowledge is power. Information is liberating,” said Kofi Annan. Commit and liberate yourself to macro-manage and watch your children flourish independently of you.
I love this. I have stopped talking with some parents I know about schools in Durham because I start to feel anxious myself, their anxiety is palpable and feels “catching” to me.. (my own issues, to be sure). Being thoughtful and researching the options, but at the SAME TIME, trusting and believing in your child’s resilence is key. I am going to read the overparenting article next, I’m intruiged by the title!
“talk to other parents, go to PTA meetings, visit, observe, drop-in and then make a decision . .”
That’s part of what rattles me. What you describe is a LOT of work, and very hard for two full-time, work-outside-the-home parents, or for a single parent. It’s the conflict between our desires (to do our research) and our abilities (“but when?”) that is so unnerving.
I am not complaining. Just noting that, as it often does, it comes down to privilege and class. Parents with the means to “buy in” to the right neighborhoods, or to opt out of the public schools completely should their lottery applications be unsuccessful, simply cannot feel the same stress that the rest of us do. And I cannot feel the same stress as the parents with inflexible work schedules who are unable to make school-hours visits or spend hours on the web and in discussion groups hashing this out.
Looking forward to reading the article!