Have you been able to slow down recently? Sometimes it takes a strong intention or family plan to be successful slowing down – turning off computers, leaving laptops closed, turning the Blackberries off, leaving a few errands or chores untouched, skipping the acquaintance’s birthday party. It can be a delicate balance so as not to fall too far behind, but it is also important to consider the impact of your lifestyle choices on your child’s development.
Recently my family spent a gorgeous afternoon in a field at a nearby state park playing simple games (tug-of-war, sharks and minnows, etc). And, it was a 6-year-old’s birthday party! There wasn’t a moon bounce or pony to ride or red-nosed clown or funny magician. Just children and parents playing together. Lots of laughter, lots of running, lots of dirt! It was reminiscent of the parties that I grew up with, but unlike many birthday parties that we attend these day.
This got me thinking. . ..
The structure, constant entertaining, and grandiosity that regularly happens during birthday parties, seems to mirror the rest of our lives. For various reasons, many children no longer experience down time.
Where have the afternoons and weekends gone when children entertain themselves inside and outside for hours at a time? When can children become deeply engrossed in an activity, then surface again and even express thoughts of boredom (this is known as ‘false fatigue’ in a Montessori classroom), before re-immersing themselves in an activity and growing that important muscle – concentration?
Many other parents are awakening to this pattern and recognizing its side effects. They are organizing themselves and creating something called The Slow Family Movement. Below is a snippet of their manifesto:
It is about allowing family life to unfold in a way that is joyfully and consciously connected. This means slowing it down, finding comfort in the home, and creating the space to see and honor the family as an entity, while simultaneously keeping sight of each member as a unique and valuable individual.
Lisa Belkin, author of the fabulous NY Times blog Motherlode, interviewed Carl Honoré, the author of two important books for the Slow Parenting Movement. He said:
“Slow” in this context does not mean doing everything at a snail’s pace. It means doing everything at the right speed. That implies quality over quantity; real and meaningful human connections; being present and in the moment.
Read the rest of her inspiring interview here. In other articles, he is even referred to as the ‘Parent Whisperer’.
Do you feel like you control your schedule or does it control you? Please take a moment to share your thoughts below.
This a very timely entry. It is Spring Break right now for my almost three year old who normally goes to school five mornings a week. In the past, when there have been “no school days” I have made many plans thinking that being home all day might make us all crazy. For this break I purposefully left a few days “open”. This is day number two of this “no agenda” plan and I can truly say that it has been lovely. I have watched my child create her own projects and have discovered things about her that I wasn’t aware of before. We won’t do this every day because, admittedly, I will go a little stir crazy without some outings, but it has been very eye-opening.
Thanks so much for the link. We are really hoping to provide families with the tools necessary to get things at a pace that works for them. The Slow Family Living workbook is available for free at our website and offers a chance to ponder what’s working in your own family life and what’s not.
Slow has become my new barometer for family life and it’s feeling more sane than ever before.
Bernadette Noll
Austin, TX
http://www.slowfamilyliving.com
what can i say, you are right on. i think the main problem with over scheduling is the competitiveness between the parents. i often feel after conversing with certain parents that my kids are not doing enough, and maybe an ice skating class or a swim lesson will be very good for them. luckily that goes away after they assure me they are not really interested, and that they want their dad to teach them how to swim etc. we hang out at home a lot, and cant be happier. with my first one i was doing way too much. i learned to slow down and it feels GREAT.
i feel like i have so much more to say. but i think its getting a bit late.
thank you for evoking all these thoughts and ideas
tali
Hi, Great post and lovely site. I’m the co-founder of the Slow Family Movement with Bernadette Noll. She’s a mother of four and I’m an early parenting guide with a PhD in pre- and perinatal psychology. We are so passionate about sharing this way of being with the world. Thanks telling folks about the movement. Here’s to slowing down, connecting and enjoying family life to it’s fullest!
Carrie Contey
http://www.slowfamilyliving.com
Emily, what a great resource you are creating with this blog! I found it through the 31DBBB challenge, and I’m glad I did. Keep it up!
~Laura
So nice to hear about the Slow Family Movement! I had not encountered them yet…. Thanks for this post, so important!!
As a person who tends towards the busy, planning side of things my son has taught me a lot about slowing down – he really requires it. He is a homebody at heart it seems, asking “is it a home day?!” and then chears when it is
Although many “home days” end up including going to the park, or playing with friends, the freedom of going with the current energy and making spontaneous plans is so enjoyable for both of us – even when I have to restrain myself from my planning tendencies 
When I think back to my own childhood what i remember most fondly are the long afternoons of playing dress up, Little House on the Prairie and reading, not the many activities I ended up involved in.
My schedule, (intense at work) does,to an extent, sometimes more than others,, control me- so this is hard, something I can’t change for the time being. I can, however, try to shift my perspective of time and space. When I feel overwhelmed I can ask for help, say a prayer for help and remember I am not in this alone. I can make more space within the time I DO have with my family by not returning phone calls, turning down offers for plans (often hard for me!), and overall, doing less, less perfection, letting things go more. (oh, so hard for me! but essential these days!) I really appreciated the comment about feeling pressure to have our kids involved in “more” after talking w/ other parents. This is so important to be aware of. I think this is one of the most important issues in parenting today, Emily, great post. We are a “rushed” society, experiencing a pace of life that is too much really for all of us. I see parents in therapy who complain that the hardest time of the day, the most fights, resistance, etc. is in the mornign and they want tips to make the morning better. One Mom then told me that she woke up 45 mins before leaving the house with her two children, (expecting them to do all the daily wake up activities in 30 mins or less, and feeling very frustrated they could not stay “on task”.) My advice? Get up earlier and get ready herself, take mroe time, ease them into the day more slowly..even if you work f/t you can do this in small ways. Una and I have yoga, tea, then music before we barrel off to a full day out of the home, but this is sacred time I’m willing to miss sleep for.
It’s my experience too that my own values and philosophies are most often tested when talking with other parents (uber-parents). Simplicity is a good rule of thumb for so many things.