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But before I nose dive into that swamp, let me tell you a story. It’s a story that was told on an episode of NBC’s West Wing. It’s about NASA’s Zero Gravity Pen.
When NASA first started sending astronauts into space in the 1960′s, they quickly realized that regular pens did not work in zero gravity. The ink wouldn’t flow through the pen. So they spent the next decade (and nearly $1.5 million dollars) developing a pen that would work in space.
The Russians had the same problem. So they used a pencil.
I tell this story (it’s an urban legend, actually) to highlight an important point: we often spend large amounts of time and effort creating elaborate solutions to problems when simple answers are right under our noses.
Parenting experts are no different. Experts create a bewildering array of elaborate and contradictory solutions to parenting conundrums. Parents grasp for one solution and then another hoping to solve the current problem.
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How many times have you cracked open a new parenting book searching for answers? You hope to resolve your child’s behavior, which is sabotaging your family’s happiness. Yet when you actually try to apply this sage advice, it falls flat with a THUD! No drastic changes. Certainly nothing close to what the authors described.
This is simply because every child is different. Just like every adult is unique in her personality make-up, life experiences, temperament, and preferences, every child is unique too. It makes the experts’ cookie cutter solutions shaky, at best.
But here’s the thing, parents, our solution is right in front of us. It’s our own children.
Getting to know your child is the very best way to begin solving most problems. In fact, you’ll find the solution to many problems just through the act of really coming to understand your child’s perspective. Yup, that’s what I’m here to help you with.
See, every kid is unique. And while this sounds cliche’, it’s significance is also completely underestimated.
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- get viagraTake time to unobtrusively observe behavior, mood, preferences.
- get viagra. Realize that there is a reason behind everything your child does. Discovering the reason will help you significantly.
- get viagra. Parent the whole child by regularly reflecting on your child’s behavior and disposition.
- get viagra. Understand the individual characteristics that make up your child’s personality. They’re called temperament traits and aren’t likely to change, so you might as well learn to support them. (I’ll post more on temperaments soon).
- get viagra. Put aside your assumptions or expectations and accept your child in all of her glory.
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Taking time to really understand your child and your child’s perspective is one of the most influential parenting choices you can make, studies show. Understanding your child will help you determine the reason behind a particular behavior or concern. It will help your reaction to be more aligned with your child’s needs, thereby nurturing his growth and development.
get viagra. It is still important to refer to others for help at times, but you will be more targeted and successful in your approach by following your child’s lead. Learn from NASA and don’t try to reinvent the pencil. The solution is right there in front of you.
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hi Emily,
i have missed you…very happy to have you back. wow, how did you know i am scheduled for a child psychologist next week? amazing. this post is definitely for me.
i am not sure why i am going. we had some challenging days here in the house. and i guess i needed some reassurance, or a check up would be more percise.
i wish you lived close enought that we could grab a cup of cafe togather. that would have been nice.
its really nice to have you back.
tali
Hi Tali,
I’m glad this post is so timely for you. I wonder if it is changing your thinking or if you’ll keep your appointment?
There is definitely a place for child psychologists. An outside perspective can shed some objectivity and light on the situation. We all need tune-ups, but also need to trust our own instincts!
I guess this will have to suffice for now – our virtual cup of coffee.
Great posts! That’s a chapter in my book about letting your children be who they are. One of the most important things in parenting. Looking forward to the temperament trait post.
I realized I’d stopped getting your post so I just went to your website a few days ago. glad you’re back.
When my daughter was a baby and I had a stack about three feet high (no joke) of breastfeeding , “what to expect” books, “your baby and child from 1-3″, etc. on my dresser which I’d furiously look things up in on a daily basis- a dear friend of mine told me something i’ll never forget. She said, Anna, put the books away, just for two days, and practice something I call “Middle of the Woods” parenting. I asked her what that was. She said, if you and your baby were in the middle of the woods, and you couldn’t ask anyone for their opinion or advice, and couldn’t look anything up, what would your gut tell you, what would your instinct tell you to do?
Being one who loves to look things up and try out new ideas, I’m a sucker all the way around for parenting books, but this has been a key piece of advice I’ve ALWAYS remembered, and is what I think you are also saying here, Emily.
What terrific advice! I love it – Middle of the Woods Parenting!!
I might like to interview you for a post on Middle of the Woods parenting and what it meant for your parenting style.