This past summer my family instated the weekly family meeting. This has been a rewarding routine for us, and I recommend it for all families as a way to stay connected, keep kids involved in decisions, and to create an intentional space to discuss troubling issues or behavior. It’s beneficial for small and large families alike.
Every Sunday evening we sit together to discuss . . . whatever. Whatever is up that week. Whatever is working really well. Whatever is not working. Whatever we want to see changed. Whatever. There is not a magic formula at this point, it is simply a time and space to talk and listen.
It’s an eagerly awaited event in our house each week. The kids love it. They love it in part because we have dessert on meeting nights. They love it in part because it helps them feel like integral members of our family in a way that regular discussions do not. They like having a vehicle to air grievances, make family plans, and family decisions.
Family meetings will look different for every family and every aged child. At this stage in my family (with two young children), the meeting was initially set in motion to create a well-established habit. While these meetings are mildly productive at this stage, I know there will be other phases down the road when they will feel like an absolute necessity.
Benefits of family meetings:
- keep lines of communication open
- intentional space to express discontentment in a productive way
- builds family connection and unity
- develop problem-solving skills
- builds self-esteem in children to have input in their day-to-day lives
- space to announce big family decisions
- time to discuss serious family issues, brainstorm ideas, and come up with solutions
Suggestions for conducting a family meeting:
- It’s never to late to start, but will be easier to initiate when children are young.
- Establish a specific time when all family members will be present.
- Tell children that you are going to begin to hold meetings to share what is going on in everyone’s life.
- Parents should be co-moderators in the beginning (depending on the age of children, you can designate a new leader and secretary every week).
- Set some basic guidelines for speaking, listening, not interrupting, honesty, etc.
- Allow everyone to have a turn to speak.
- Keep the meetings relatively short (especially with young kids) and maintain a calm, compassionate space.
- Create a method for covering all topics. The “go around” method works well. Go around the table to give everyone an opportunity to respond to the topic. Some families begin by complimenting each family member, then raising issues, then problem-solving. Choose a system that works best for you.
Does your family have family meetings? Do you think you might start?
If you haven’t already done so, you might want to check out a new, free e-course – A Crash Course in Mindful Parenting.
hi Emily,
i never thought of having official meeting since we all eat together at list twice a day. but once you have explained it i can see how different and helpful those meetings can be. i need to talk to my hubby about it.
looking forward to your first lesson
tali
Tali,
When I was first introduced to this idea, it was in reference to the need during adolescence. I’m certain that aspects of the family meeting are uniquely helpful during that time, but it should not be overlooked for young kids too.
Like you, our family sits together for 1-2 meals each day. But, meeting night provides something totally different . . . aside from just dessert. Although the enthusiasm around that can’t be ignored.
I hope you’ll come back to share your story if you choose to start meetings!
we had our first family meeting the other day, in that meeting we have all decided together of our house rules. we wrote it down, and drew pictures next to them, put it in a nice frame and hung it on a wall low enough that everyone can see.
I feel like that was good because everyone have decided on the rules: no hitting, listening to each other, no pushing, using nice wards, watching no more than one movie a day, eating something delicious on our weekly meetings, and creating a weekly calendar of things we want to do.
now I feel I can remind them when ever needed about what they chose.
so yesterday was our second meeting, and let me tell you, i know it is only the second time – but, it is soooooo effective.
and this is how i describe it:
if you ever taken yoga or pilates and you do it once a week, the night before your next lesson or on the morning of, your entire body is aching and yearning for that weekly lesson of yours that will bring balance back to your core. this is how these meetings are for us, the morning off, it feels like the world is falling apart waiting for that thing that will save it, and after the meeting, it is all positive with great energy again, we were saved for another week.
see where next week takes us..one meeting at a time.
such a great tool.
thanks again Emily (i think you need a super hero character designed for you…i will think of something…)
tali
I wanted to thank you for writing about the importance of family meetings. My whole family has loved the two meetings we’ve had so far, though in full disclosure it might have something to do with me borrowing your dessert idea! My children are still young but everyone has really enjoyed being able to talk and share ideas. Our first meeting we made our family rules and wrote them down (a brilliant idea inspired by Tali) and our second meeting we discussed family values (inspired by Zen Family Habits). For our next few meetings my husband and I will be talking about saftey issues such as fire and strangers and I wanted to share my ideas with you and your readers. There are many resources available free online that help families plan fire escape routes, practice fire drills, and teach children what to do in case of fire. Many children learn about fire safety in school but it is often overlooked in the home and family meetings would be a wonderful time to talk about fires. Additionally KidPower.org has wonderful resources to help parents discuss stranger safety and give children tools they can use if they are ever threatened by someone. It can be difficult to find time to talk about these and other important issues but having family meetings on a regular and scheduled basis provides a time and a place to do so. Getting together and talking is really helping my family become more connected so thank you!
I agree. It can be very difficult to find the right time to talk about weightier issues. Thanks for sharing your ideas and the site KidPower.org, Tamara.
hi
we are still doing those meetings. and loving them.
I really like your idea of having a topic for the meeting. thanks
and have a great week
tali