Congratulations! If you have discovered this post, then you are most likely considering potty training your child. Or, you’ve tried before but now your child is regressing.
There is a dizzying array of materials on the subject of potty training. While every child, family, and situation is different, there are some basic developmental stages and approaches to potty training that are backed by research.
First take a brief look at history to gain some insight:
In the 1950′s, 92% of children were potty trained by 18 months old. Today, roughly only about 4% of toddlers are potty trained by 18 months. In fact, only 60% are trained by 3 years old!
Current research:
Yet, current research suggests that the ideal window is between 18-32 months and those trained later show more problems with the training process and have ongoing issues of incontinence. In the end, age should not be the deciding factor. Instead look at physical and developmental readiness clues.
Assessing readiness:
Your child is ready if s/he:
- already shows a pattern of following rules and directions
- can safely walk to and from the potty
- is free of medical problems that might complicate this process
- can follow simple commands
Below are 5 simple commands to try with your child.
Ask these in a natural, playful way:
- Point to your nose.
- Point to your mouth.
- Sit down.
- Stand up.
- Place one object inside another: “put baby doll in a stroller”.
I know, these may seem like surprising ways to gauge if your child is ready to potty train, but they’re all you need. It’s an added bonus if your child is demonstrating an active interest in the potty, but that is not the magic sign. Many parents make the mistake of waiting for this behavior alone. This may come much later, well past the time when potty training is the easiest.
What does this mean?
If your child responds appropriately to the above list then he or she is ready to begin potty training! My potty training strategy advocates that you understand your own child’s development and harness her readiness rather than just waiting for the mysterious magical moment (psst – there isn’t one!). The longer you wait, the harder it gets.
Like other areas of child development, the child is often there and ready (in her zing) before the parent is aware or ready. This causes unanticipated problems.
These zing moments are temporary and if missed become remedial teachings. Developing new skills, such as using a potty, is most effective when in the zing. After the zing passes, teaching takes much more work, backtracking, and sometimes even force.
This is where the adult’s keen awareness, positive support, and matter-of-fact attitude come into play.
Tips for Potty Training Your Toddler:
- Create a period of time to devote to this project. Make sure that it syncs with your child’s zing and your own ability to be around home for at least a few days.
- Periodically mention to your toddler that he soon be all done with using diapers and will get to use a toilet. Begin these conversations prior to the change to allow the child to begin to absorb the idea.
- Make the choice to begin the process and don’t look back. If you are hesitant, your child will be too.
- When the time comes, put away the diapers for good and set your sights on this goal.
- Maintain a tone that is matter-of-fact, confident, warm, and encouraging throughout the process.
- Place a child-sized potty in the bathroom so the child can sit independently.
- Allow your child to see family members using the toilet.
- It is helpful if the child can be naked or nearly naked when beginning this process. An unexpected trickle of urine will quickly become associated with the need for muscle control. When dressing, use only cotton underwear.
- Prepare yourself and your house for many puddles. After all, making it to the potty is less hit and more miss at first.
- From the beginning allow your child to participate in the clean-up.
- Begin daytime and nighttime training simultaneously.
Stick with it! Consistency and attitude are key. When you begin to second guess this or worse, are discouraged by skeptical, unsure, or jealous friends, remember this:
In the 1950s studies indicate that 92% of children (both boys and girls) were potty trained by 18 months. Parenting has changed in the past 50-60 years, but children’s developmental capabilities have not.
More from the Potty Training Series:
- Potty training success story!
- End toilet training regression now!
- Toilet training the older child
- Rewards for potty training?
“I’m a big proponent for doing away with all diapers (including nighttime) once you know your child is ready.”
I would go so far as to say, get rid of the diapers BEFORE you think they’re ready. Otherwise it’s a lot harder to “know” that they’re ready. And they might not even GET to the ready phase, because they’ve been trained that the diaper is where they’re supposed to ‘go’ so why should they do anything differently? Some kids do show an obvious ‘readiness’ even after being diaper-trained, but many do not.
When they’re diaper-free, you yourself can ‘help’ the process along, by observing them when they go… maybe you see physical signals before they pee, or a certain timing. Then you can be proactive and put them on the potty when you see their signal, to help them make that connection.
IMO babies are “ready” right from birth, to make that connection — then sometime between 12-24 months they simply achieve the ‘readiness’ to take independent control of the process.
I wrote an article about diaper-free if you’d like to check it out here: http://ecochildsplay.com/2009/01/10/12-reasons-to-go-diaper-free/
I have a question about the “zing”. My daughter will be 18 months next week and we’ve already bought her a potty. She has, in previous months, gone through periods of both telling us when she’s pooped and wanted to sit on the potty. At both times, my husband and I have praised her and taken appropriate action (changed the diaper, let her sit on the potty, etc.). She knows when we go potty what it means and like the idea. Recently, however, she has stopped wanting to sit on the
I do think she was showing you her early signs of potty Zing previously. If you are interested in really buckling down and beginning the process (i.e. you can make time for it in your life), then talk up the potty in an encouraging and supportive manner. Be confident and assure your daughter that you know she can do it. If you empower her that way, she will feel empowered. Remember, you set the tone. Enjoy!
Great information/ perspective. As far as not doing both diapers and underwear, this is pretty much impossible for me as I work f/t and I am not with her during the week days. They work on it at school, and she actually seems the most motivated by watching other KIDS use the potty (vs us!), but we are not able to devote days to being at home in undies . Any advice for this situation?
I agree this makes things more complicated. I also worked f/t when it was time for my oldest daughter to move out of diapers. We definitely had to prioritize it and adjust our schedules. We started on a long weekend and then changed our schedules to allow an adult to be home. Some families choose to have grandparents visit to help or hire babysitters for this process. However it works best for your family. Where there is a will, there is a way.
what do you do when you miss the zing? my daughter was ready at 15-18 months, but I was pregnant, everyone told me she was too young, and I figured I would just start in a few months once my oldest started school. well, when I went to do that, as you guessed, we had missed the zing (she was about 80% potty trained on her own by that point) now, we have nothing.
So, I wonder why it is that kids were potty trained earlier back in the 50′s; I’ve heard that too. I realize parenting may have changed, but how so that it has affected the age of potty training? My boy was doing just fine, then one day three months ago started pooping in his pants again-and now does it all the time. In what way do I need to be like the 1950′s parent in order to help him?
Thanks for your posts on this subject! And…
help!
…Rhonda, a fellow mom
It seems to be that the ways that parenting has changed, with giving the children more power and in some cases relinquishing power to children, is directly effecting the age of potty training. Waiting for the child to express interest works for some children, but not all. Since we know when the body is ready, see Follow the Zing of Toilet Training, we know when we can get started. Preparation for the event is the key to success!
I don’t know that you need to be more like a parent from the 50′s to help at this point, but please read the post: End Toilet Training Regression Now to help guide you through this tricky and frustrating time. I’ve been there too!
Please come back to ask more questions or tell us of your successes!
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Hi Emily,
This is excellent, excellent advice!
There’s no shortage of potty training advice online, much of it rather terrible. Thanks for hitting the nail so squarely on the head!
My DD didn’t train easily. She simply didn’t care if she was wet–in diapers or in panties. She just didn’t care. It’s hard to get them to use the toilet when they don’t care.
Despite trying every possible method that might work, she didn’t day train till she was about 3.5. I believed you 3 years ago, but not any more. Always remind people that every kid is different and it doesn’t always work.
I am sorry. That sounds frustrating! Kudos to you for recognizing your daughters readiness at such an early age. It’s not always easy to do. I just posted an article to answer your question. You’ll find it here.
Emily