Writing the very popular potty training series (see links below) gave me the momentum to begin potty training my second child who was just 19 months old at the time. When I originally wrote this article, she had just completed her first week without diapers.
That’s about all it takes to potty train a toddler. Just one week!
Day 1 of potty training
The potty training process was surprisingly smooth. Her sister had been about 6 months older when she potty trained, so I braced myself for a bumpier road. I’m not sure why. I knew better. But all the recent advice states that it is easier as children get older. Flat. Out. Wrong.
Our example is one case and point, but not a unique situation by any stretch. You can read more about the history of potty training and current global trends here. You’ll find that it is actually easiest when you potty train at the right time.
In these cases I’m particularly grateful to know a lot about child development. Her right time was pretty clear. It’s not rocket science. It just takes tuning in and some awareness.
She mastered the potty in just days and has been perfectly trained, with no regressions, since then – over 9 months ago.
It would have been easy to decide on the first day or two that she wasn’t ready, but I knew better. Although, the process came with challenges, there was also ample success.
You may be wondering how I knew better. I had been observing her development and knew that she was up to the challenge. I understand that new things are scary whether you are 19 months or 19 years old. We conveyed compassion, empathy, and confident encouragement. Once No More Diapers Day arrived, there was no going back.
If you are planning to begin this process, take a few minutes to read the tips found in Follow the Zing of Potty Training.
The Road to Success:
Day 1 - We had a goodbye to the diapers ceremony that my daughter participated in.We lit a fire in the fireplace and took off her diaper and pants.
The fire crackled all day long and much of the day was spent in the bathroom reading and rereading every book.
The first few accidents were pretty devastating to her. We maintained our calm encouragement and assured her everything was okay. She was just learning a tricky new thing.
Day 2 - We spent *slightly* less time in the bathroom, because her pattern and signs were becoming clearer. By this point we had exhausted our large book collection a dozen times over.
Day 3 – She got to wear cotton underwear and leave the house for the first time since beginning the training began to pick up her sister from school. Success!
Day 4 - Less time was spent in the bathroom and only one accident, for which I might have to take responsibility. I was preoccupied, and her bathroom plea was like background noise for me. Oops. Do as I say, not as I do. Resist distractions!
Days 5, 6, and 7 - Fewer preemptive bathroom trips. We relied more heavily on her requests. She had now been completely, reliably dry for three full days. She had even been on numerous outings and able to anticipate her needs and alert us so that we got to a toilet in time.
We were very happy for her accomplishments, but knew this was not a done deal. In fact, far from it. There were sure to be many months of carrying around extra clothes, just in case. Many more months of hyper-awareness to her bathroom needs. And still, many more months of waking during the night for preemptive bathroom trips.
But I was happy that she could be out and about in town and effectively communicate her potty needs after just one week. Most importantly, she felt delighted with herself!
While some approaches toward this milestone can be very traumatic, this approach was supportive, effective, and quick. In fact, her delight and newfound self-confidence was evident after just the second day. She reacted very positively to our increased expectations and her ability to meet them. This reaction will not always coincide with increased expectations, but is more likely when the expectations are challenging in a developmentally appropriate way.
We immediately noticed her newfound confidence. She had a massive shift spanning across various aspects of her personality. She became more expressive with strangers. She began using bigger words. She attempted new physical challenges.
This method of potty training is relatively painless. Forget about the regularly mentioned and feared struggles and resistance. That will be avoided if the child feels empowered and respected throughout the process.
To read more on this subject, check out:
If this series has been helpful and you would like to receive the latest posts in your email inbox, click here.
Hi Emily,
Viewing and reading your blog today and sharing it with my “roommate” at work, the music therapist, about your age, with a child about Cora’s age. Anyway, to see this, your creation, is a joy, and I am proud of your many achievements. So much fun to see the family in photos too.
Thank you,
Love, Elizabeth/Oma
Hi Emily,
Thanks for sharing your process for potty learning. Over the past two weeks, we have followed a very similar method for our 23 month old daughter. We had such success both home and away that I thought we had a fully potty trained little girl, until yesterday we were met with a drastic regression that has continued through to today. Now, we’ve had two full days of “accidents”, resistance to sitting on the potty at our suggestion, she hasn’t even been telling us when she has to go, in fact when she does have to pee, she begins saying, “no pee, no poo” in a panicked tone and even asks for a “fresh diaper.” I’m almost at my wits end, though I’m trying to remain encouraging. I’m not sure what went wrong and I’m only hoping that this is a natural regression. We don’t want to force her, nor do we want to make a big deal about it. She gets so worked up that I have resorted to putting a diaper on her when she has requested one. If you have any advice/insight to offer, we would greatly appreciate it! My husband and I are not sure what to do next.
Thanks so much.
I know these small signs of regression can be alarming and so disconcerting, yet it is totally normal. Especially with a child as newly trained as your daughter. I want to urge you to read the post, End Toilet Training Regression Now.
I’d encourage you to actually get rid of all of the diapers so that you don’t resort to them in times like these. Don’t get upset or frustrated with accidents. They happen. Calmly help your child clean up the mess. As I described in Follow the Zing of Toilet Training, have an established routine for cleaning up the messes, so that your daughter can do so independently (or, mostly independently).
I’d also like to add a great tip that has helped me out of many jams as a parent and a teacher. It’s a timer. Yes, this simple item has tricked kids into all sorts of things they weren’t initially intending to do, such as finishing a long project, visiting the potty regularly, structuring work time, committing to quiet time, etc.
In a matter-of-fact tone (also known as a neutral tone) tell your child that every time the timer goes off (set it to every 40-60 min or so) she needs to sit on the potty. Assure her that it’s okay if she sits and nothing happens. Also, assure her that she can return to whatever she was doing. Do this for a day or two or three until she seems comfortable, cooperative, and confident again. Then, slowly back off the timer and allow her to listen to her own body.
Good luck with this and rest assured that this is all part of the process.
Hi Emily,
I cannot thank you enough for your advice and encouragement. We followed your suggestions and they worked like a dream. We have been diaper-free for 2 weeks now and I’m amazed at how well our daughter is doing. We still wake her for potty trips 3 times throughout the night, but she stays dry and she has even started independently running to the potty throughout the day or tells us when she needs to go.
The key suggestions that really helped were: explaining to our daughter that she didn’t need diapers or pull-ups anymore and packing them away together; using the timer combined with the neutral tone “it’s time to sit on the potty” (which we only did for the first day); waking her to pee every three hours throughout the night; and, explaining that it’s OK if she sits and nothing happens and that she can return to what she was doing right away afterwards.
We have had very few accidents and we are all so proud of her (including her being proud of herself)! We celebrated her second birthday on Friday and I am so proud to say that she is out of diapers. In retrospect… I’m not sure what we were thinking, as it seems so obvious now: panties during the day combined with diapers at night and pull-ups whilst out is just far too confusing!
Thank you again. I love reading your posts.
Melanie