Writing the very popular potty training series (see links below) gave me the momentum to begin potty training my second child who was just 19 months old at the time. When I originally wrote this article, she had just completed her first week without diapers.
That’s about all it takes to potty train a toddler. Just one week!
Day 1 of potty training
The potty training process was surprisingly smooth. Her sister had been about 6 months older when she potty trained, so I braced myself for a bumpier road. I’m not sure why. I knew better. But all the recent advice states that it is easier as children get older. Flat. Out. Wrong.
Our example is one case and point, but not a unique situation by any stretch. You can read more about the history of potty training and current global trends here. You’ll find that it is actually easiest when you potty train at the right time.
In these cases I’m particularly grateful to know a lot about child development. Her right time was pretty clear. It’s not rocket science. It just takes tuning in and some awareness.
She mastered the potty in just days and has been perfectly trained, with no regressions, since then – over 9 months ago.
It would have been easy to decide on the first day or two that she wasn’t ready, but I knew better. Although, the process came with challenges, there was also ample success.
You may be wondering how I knew better. I had been observing her development and knew that she was up to the challenge. I understand that new things are scary whether you are 19 months or 19 years old. We conveyed compassion, empathy, and confident encouragement. Once No More Diapers Day arrived, there was no going back.
If you are planning to begin this process, take a few minutes to read the tips found in Follow the Zing of Potty Training.
The Road to Success:
Day 1 - We had a goodbye to the diapers ceremony that my daughter participated in.We lit a fire in the fireplace and took off her diaper and pants.
The fire crackled all day long and much of the day was spent in the bathroom reading and rereading every book.
The first few accidents were pretty devastating to her. We maintained our calm encouragement and assured her everything was okay. She was just learning a tricky new thing.
Day 2 - We spent *slightly* less time in the bathroom, because her pattern and signs were becoming clearer. By this point we had exhausted our large book collection a dozen times over.
Day 3 – She got to wear cotton underwear and leave the house for the first time since beginning the training began to pick up her sister from school. Success!
Day 4 - Less time was spent in the bathroom and only one accident, for which I might have to take responsibility. I was preoccupied, and her bathroom plea was like background noise for me. Oops. Do as I say, not as I do. Resist distractions!
Days 5, 6, and 7 - Fewer preemptive bathroom trips. We relied more heavily on her requests. She had now been completely, reliably dry for three full days. She had even been on numerous outings and able to anticipate her needs and alert us so that we got to a toilet in time.
We were very happy for her accomplishments, but knew this was not a done deal. In fact, far from it. There were sure to be many months of carrying around extra clothes, just in case. Many more months of hyper-awareness to her bathroom needs. And still, many more months of waking during the night for preemptive bathroom trips.
But I was happy that she could be out and about in town and effectively communicate her potty needs after just one week. Most importantly, she felt delighted with herself!
While some approaches toward this milestone can be very traumatic, this approach was supportive, effective, and quick. In fact, her delight and newfound self-confidence was evident after just the second day. She reacted very positively to our increased expectations and her ability to meet them. This reaction will not always coincide with increased expectations, but is more likely when the expectations are challenging in a developmentally appropriate way.
We immediately noticed her newfound confidence. She had a massive shift spanning across various aspects of her personality. She became more expressive with strangers. She began using bigger words. She attempted new physical challenges.
This method of potty training is relatively painless. Forget about the regularly mentioned and feared struggles and resistance. That will be avoided if the child feels empowered and respected throughout the process.
To read more on this subject, check out:
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Hi Emily,
Viewing and reading your blog today and sharing it with my “roommate” at work, the music therapist, about your age, with a child about Cora’s age. Anyway, to see this, your creation, is a joy, and I am proud of your many achievements. So much fun to see the family in photos too.
Thank you,
Love, Elizabeth/Oma
Hi Emily,
Thanks for sharing your process for potty learning. Over the past two weeks, we have followed a very similar method for our 23 month old daughter. We had such success both home and away that I thought we had a fully potty trained little girl, until yesterday we were met with a drastic regression that has continued through to today. Now, we’ve had two full days of “accidents”, resistance to sitting on the potty at our suggestion, she hasn’t even been telling us when she has to go, in fact when she does have to pee, she begins saying, “no pee, no poo” in a panicked tone and even asks for a “fresh diaper.” I’m almost at my wits end, though I’m trying to remain encouraging. I’m not sure what went wrong and I’m only hoping that this is a natural regression. We don’t want to force her, nor do we want to make a big deal about it. She gets so worked up that I have resorted to putting a diaper on her when she has requested one. If you have any advice/insight to offer, we would greatly appreciate it! My husband and I are not sure what to do next.
Thanks so much.
I know these small signs of regression can be alarming and so disconcerting, yet it is totally normal. Especially with a child as newly trained as your daughter. I want to urge you to read the post, End Toilet Training Regression Now.
I’d encourage you to actually get rid of all of the diapers so that you don’t resort to them in times like these. Don’t get upset or frustrated with accidents. They happen. Calmly help your child clean up the mess. As I described in Follow the Zing of Toilet Training, have an established routine for cleaning up the messes, so that your daughter can do so independently (or, mostly independently).
I’d also like to add a great tip that has helped me out of many jams as a parent and a teacher. It’s a timer. Yes, this simple item has tricked kids into all sorts of things they weren’t initially intending to do, such as finishing a long project, visiting the potty regularly, structuring work time, committing to quiet time, etc.
In a matter-of-fact tone (also known as a neutral tone) tell your child that every time the timer goes off (set it to every 40-60 min or so) she needs to sit on the potty. Assure her that it’s okay if she sits and nothing happens. Also, assure her that she can return to whatever she was doing. Do this for a day or two or three until she seems comfortable, cooperative, and confident again. Then, slowly back off the timer and allow her to listen to her own body.
Good luck with this and rest assured that this is all part of the process.
Hi Emily,
I cannot thank you enough for your advice and encouragement. We followed your suggestions and they worked like a dream. We have been diaper-free for 2 weeks now and I’m amazed at how well our daughter is doing. We still wake her for potty trips 3 times throughout the night, but she stays dry and she has even started independently running to the potty throughout the day or tells us when she needs to go.
The key suggestions that really helped were: explaining to our daughter that she didn’t need diapers or pull-ups anymore and packing them away together; using the timer combined with the neutral tone “it’s time to sit on the potty” (which we only did for the first day); waking her to pee every three hours throughout the night; and, explaining that it’s OK if she sits and nothing happens and that she can return to what she was doing right away afterwards.
We have had very few accidents and we are all so proud of her (including her being proud of herself)! We celebrated her second birthday on Friday and I am so proud to say that she is out of diapers. In retrospect… I’m not sure what we were thinking, as it seems so obvious now: panties during the day combined with diapers at night and pull-ups whilst out is just far too confusing!
Thank you again. I love reading your posts.
Melanie
Hello Emily
I just love reading your blog!
Wish me luck I am going to star potty training Alexandra this saturday!
I will keep you update with this
Thanks a lot for all your advice
Monica
Today is day 1 without diapers. My 3 1/2 son has sat on the potty once but other that wants nothing to do with it. Should I keep the diapers off as you suggest or wait for another time? He HAS to be potty trained by fall for preschool. Any suggestions? Help! Thanks.
Sorry for the delayed response, Tiffany. I’ve been away on vacation. You have probably had to make a decision by now, but in the event that you are still on the fence, I definitely suggest that you stick with it and figure out how to get your son interested. If you are hesitant, he will be too.
Find great games, books, puppets, whatever you think your son will enjoy.
I’m happy to offer more suggestions, but realize you may have already had success or quit. Feel free to contact me again and I’ll be more prompt with my reply. If it is easier to email, write to emily@childperspective.com.
I am relieved to find some advice other than, “oh, just wait until she wants to do it”. My daughter is 23 months and we have now spent 3 days in panties, but only had 2 small successes. She will tell me when she has an accident, but shows no interest in going to the potty to clean up. We sit on the potty every 30-45 minutes for a few minutes which she usually protests. I am very nervous as to how we can leave the house if she isn’t making progress by the end of this week. Any advice would be great! Thanks!
Congrats on starting this process! You’ll be amazed how quickly your daughter becomes proficient.
First, I’d recommend that you take the panties off and let her bottom half be naked. The sensation of pee is greater that way. Also, make potty time fun. Choose interesting books or puppets or sing songs to help your daughter sit on the potty for a few minutes. Finally, if you really want to rush the process along, serve her tasty drinks so that she is drinking often to provide more opportunities for practicing (smoothies, juice, popsicles, chocolate milk, etc).
I’ll be interested to hear how the process continues! You’ll probably be able to take some short outings this weekend.
Thanks for the advice! I will try it and see how it goes. I do let her go bare-bottomed some of the time, but I think our biggest hurdle has been that my daughter doesn’t urinate often, maybe only 2-3 times during her awake hours. She always has a drink available; she just doesn’t want it. I will definitely do as you said and give her very appealing drinks to help us along. When she only goes every 4 hours, its hard to have it happen in the time we are sitting on the potty:) I have also moved the potty closer to her play area so that it is quickly accessible. Will let you know how it goes! Thanks again!
Brandi,
It sounds like getting lots of tasty drinks around is worthwhile. I threw out our more stringent rules around sugar intake the first few days of potty training just to get the liquids in and it makes all of the difference.
You also might want to consider having a couple of potties around for the play area and kitchen depending on their proximity to the bathrooms.
Hi Emily, This is truly amazing! I wish I could have read it earlier. I started to give my daughter potty training when she was one and half years old. That’s was a quite long process dragging on and off for about two years. She even had accidents at night before her 5 years’ birthday. Now she is good. If it was easy like yours, I probably would have another kid : -)
I was very happy to find this site.I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoying every little bit of it and I
have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post.
Thank,
Free Potty Trening
I am very glad to find your site will try the steps my son is 19months but I am not sure he is ready. Each time I try he keeps playing with the potty and playing around not get my point…
Hi! So my girl is in school and has good days , do I put her in Pullups at school or underwear, what if she wets herself at school?