What if your child already showed consistent signs of being potty trained and now is showing signs of regression? While very frustrating for everyone, regression is also very common.
I initially found my daughter’s potty training regression disheartening and frustrating. The only time an “accident” ever happened was at school. It took me awhile to understand the reasons: difficult access to bathroom, toilet paper out-of-reach, ridiculously heavy door to bathroom, and the normal stress of starting preschool at age 2.
These were significant obstacles, but we were able to ease her angst and this common potty training issue slowly resolved itself. If you follow the tips below, you can get your child back on track too.
Tips to end potty training regression:
- Empower your child. Show her you know she can do it.
- Be consistent!
- Provide a lot of positive reinforcement for remaining dry.
- No negative attention and very few words regarding wet clothes.
- Regular reminders to go to the bathroom to help create the habit (even just the habit of considering the need to go to the bathroom). Not as a question, “do you need to go”, instead as a statement, “ time to go to the bathroom”.
- Encourage your child to help with cleaning up the messes (children enjoy helping; this is not a punishment).
- Be consistent (I can’t repeat this enough!)
- Don’t engage in long discussions, just clear, matter-of-fact directions and lots of praise (Check out my praise posts, because this is a critical piece).
- Do not turn this into a disciplinary matter!
What ever you do, don’t despair, throw your hands in the air, and revert back to diapers. It’s time to reflect on the process: stop the battles, recalibrate, and start fresh.
Experts identify the following reasons for regression:
- stress (new sibling, divorce, move, new school, any change in schedule)
- medical reasons
- natural regression that occurs with the mastery of a any new skill
- ignoring the body’s message
Keep in mind that recently trained children need reminders to go to the bathroom. This is how you can help your child to feel successful. Help her get to the bathroom on time.
Do not take “no” for an answer if you feel it has been too long between bathroom breaks. Honor what the child is focused on at the time, while also imparting the importance of listening to one’s own body (an important life message). For example (please extrapolate to your own circumstance), “I see that you are very focused on your activity, but it is time to take a break to sit on the toilet and then you can return to your activity.” This is not a question. This does not need an apology. This is a directive. Directives can be said in loving and assertive ways.
Your child will be inspired by your renewed faith in her abilities. Maximize this momentum!
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Thank you, thank you, Thank you! I was thinking about it alot before I got your email and realized that my frustration was showing too much. WE stopped focusing on the positive and more on the negative. I chilled out and she’s been dry all weekend. I’m sure we’re not completely there but it’s been pleasant. Your advice(which I forgot about and let frustrations move in) is bang on and works!!!
On one hand, I totally agree with this – with a 2 or even a 3 year-old. However, my son is 5 1/2 and for the past month has just had at least 2 accidents a day. He also doesn’t seem to care if he is wet. I have taken away his computer games and video games and it still doesn’t seem to make a difference. We have been discussing moving a bit…but honestly I am out of patience and at the end of my rope!
I am going through the same thing! I see this was 3 years ago, how did you fix it?? At the end of my rope too
it may be UTI or kidney infectino, always good to rules out medical reasons with a visit to the doc
My 2 1/2 year old has always been resistant when it comes to potty training. She just does not like to stop what she is doing to go potty. The only way we made any progress was by going diaper-less at home, rewards and positive reinforcement for successful use of the potty. This got her more interested and she finally would allow me to take her to the bathroom (most of the time) when we were out and about. She has never told me she needs to go – it has always been based on when I thought it was time.
However, the past week we switched pull-ups (I’m convinced this triggered the regression) and she has since refused to go to the potty. She literally kicks and screams if I tell her it’s time.
Should I be “forcing” her to go?
pull-ups are totally the trigger of regression!!! i had the same EXACT problem with my son.
Hi Emily,
We’ve been in the potty training process for about 4 months now. My child will be 2 at the end of this month. It seemed that she was doing it, all on her own. She wouldn’t even tell us sometimes, just run into the bathroom and go. About a month ago she went into regression. I think the thing that started this was starting a new daycare. But it’s been a month. She loves her new “school” and often says “love Dianne”, her teacher…so I don’t think it is stressful for her to be there. I read your post about it and we started to put into practice the idea of not taking no for an answer. Just telling her it is time to go. A month later things seem to be getting worse. She wets herself multiple times a day and doesn’t care that she is wet. I’m extremely frustrated. I praise her for going when she does. I don’t make a big deal about her accidents. I really don’t know where to go from here. I’m thinking of giving up, but wondering if I should try some sort of reward system first. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
My 23 month old daughter has been doing a great job with using the potty. So much so that we started wearing panties and no diapers. I noticed that she would rarely use the potty when she is at pre-school/mothers morning out. Often she will hold her urine until after her program. She doesn’t appear to be uncomfortable with this but I now think she is uncomfortable with using the ‘schools’ potties. Now for the past week she is having many accidents. I don’t think she has stayed dry at school and is having them at home too. If her teachers try and take her at school she gets very defensive and does not want to do it. She won’t even try. Only one time did she go when a teacher asked her to go – encouraged her several times- and didn’t help her. She seemed to really like the independence or control of handling it herself. But just that time it worked.
Any advice – I really don’t want to go back to diapers and I don’t think that is the right thing to do but I am really starting to doubt myself as to whether or not she is really ready – at least at school – since she hasn’t even shown us that she’ll use the potty there.
Thank you!!
Thanks for writing, Christine. I’m sorry that I wasn’t notified of your comment sooner. You are raising an important and common concern, which is mostly how to transfer the potty training that has been successful at home to other environments, right?
Generally the most successful way to do this involves these few strategies:
1. A primary caregiver should bridge the gap. So, for example, you could take your daughter to the bathroom at her preschool and allow her to go through the motions with you, but independently. Maybe you could do this at drop-off and pick-up for a few times. that often eases the stress of transition.
2. Let your daughter know that the teachers will remind her when she needs to try, and let her know that she needs to try.
3. Suggest to the teachers that instead of asking if she needs to go, that they just let her know that it is time for her to try. No worries if she doesn’t think she needs to, but she does need to sit on the toilet and try.
Recently potty trained kids often don’t want to stop a fun activity to go to the bathroom. There’s no point in trying to reason. Just let her know it’s time.
I can totally relate to your struggles. Like my kids, your daughter is potty trained at a very young age. They often need a bit more support. When my 2 year old was in preschool, she was the only child potty trained and the room wasn’t really set-up for independence around the toilet, so I had to take her a few times and sort of translate it to her sense of normalcy, if that makes sense to you.
Don’t hesitate to let me know if you have further questions.
My daughter is 3 and is in pre-school she was Potty trained before that. Now she has accidents at school and at home. She makes no effort to the potty. I did help her go potty at school, she knows. The bathroom is in the classroom and everything is at her level. The teacher would tell her time to go and she won’t. At home she helps me clean her mess and I will put on the pot and tell her this is where your pee go. I didn’t know what else to do so I put her back on pull ups and some days at school she won’t have any accidents and some days she won’t go at all. I need help please,
So mine is a little different…my 4 year old son who has been potty trained for a year now has, in the past 2 months, peed his pants twice (once being earlier tonight). I’m just confused…once was in the car in his seat…and then tonight’s was at church during his playgroup. He goes to public pre-k in the morning and another preschool in the afternoon…but nothing has changed…are these just purely accidents that any one could have…or regression of some sort? Help please!!!
Rest assured, this would not qualify as regression, which is the good news. It sounds like your son has just had a couple of accidents, which is totally normal, even after being potty trained for awhile. There’s no need to punish or treat it as anything other than a mistake. No big deal. I would encourage you to have your son help with the clean up as much as possible.
What do you do though when your child just doesn’t care that they’ve wet their pants. My son would sit in wet underwear all day if we’d let him. He’ll be 4 on Dec 20, and we’ve been trying to potty train him since August. I’m ready to pull my hair out.
It’s hard to say what is contributing to this, since I don’t know you or your parenting style. A few suggestions that might help, though, are:
1. start anew
2. have a family meeting, mark a calendar, involve your child in understanding why now and why it is important
3. potty train w/o underwear for a few days
4. potty train for day and night time simultaneously
Check out this post, if you haven’t already: http://www.childperspective.com/potty-training/toilet-training-the-older-child/
Good luck!
Thank you so much for this information. I did not know what was going on with my 2 yr old daugher or how to handle it, until I read your potty training regression article. I can not wait to start applying the advice. Thanks!!!!:)
Glad you found it helpful, Jerri!
My 3 year old had just recently started the potty training process. She did so great for about a week. It only took her about a day in undies and she was going #1 regularly on the potty!! Yay’s all around!! It took her a few more days to do #2 on the potty but you could see on her face that she just didn’t seem to feel right about it.
Well, a week ago, I went out and hubby was home with the kids. She had a #1 accident and he said she got all upset about it. He didn’t make a big deal about it…he changed her and she didn’t want to put undies back on. Since then she absolutely REFUSES to sit on the potty. She was holding in everything for a couple of days and it seemed that the only time she would go was during the night. I know that kids tend to hold in poops when they are just learning PT but I hadn’t heard of holding in pee.
So since then as well she has turned into a clingy monster. She will not leave me alone and insists that I carry her everywhere, including to the bathroom. She still tells us that she has to go, she goes into the bathroom but she will NOT sit on the potty.
Plus she is now having trouble sleeping in her own bed through the night. I wonder if these events are all connected or what?
I wonder if she is regressing back to all things baby because she’s unsure, embarrassed, insecure about all this potty business??
I am going out of my mind and losing sleep to boot, as I am the one who gets to get up and try to get her back to bed at night.
Thanks.
I just HAD to respond to your post. We are going through the exact same thing. My daughter was doing perfect on the potty…telling us she go and going. Now, a week later she won’t go. She’ll still tell us and go into the bathroom, but she won’t pee there. A short time later, she’ll pee her pants. We’re not going back to diapers, luckily she’s not insisting about that!
But she is VERY clingy and has even make a few comments about her being a baby. I think it’s maybe because everyone was making such a big deal about it (as we/they were all so surprised it went going so smoothly!), that she felt embarrassed.
How’s everything going now for your daughter?
Our 3.5yo has been toilet trained for over 16 months now. We have just moved house two weeks ago and she is due to start prep school next week. She has over the last two weeks failed to use the toilet almost every time. It is so unlike her. She is used to going to childcare – and although prep will be slightly different she is really excited about going. So I can only put her reversion down to moving but with school starting next week we need her to be toilet trained again so she doesn’t embarrass herself at her new school. Have tried the above suggestions but she is yet to earn one reward. She is beginning to despair and grow more anxious as are we.
Hi, i am a bit concerned. My baby gal is 3 years and almost 2 months old. She is in baby class and had few accidents in school including peeing and poop. She is okay at home and no accidents. What should i do for her to stop the accidents at school. I fear her colleagues may laugh at her and she can regress more.
My son is almost 5. He has been daytime trained for more than 2.5 years now. He still wets at night (wearing a pullup) most nights, even though he wakes up & goes to the potty by himself. Some nights he wets before he wakes up to go & some nights he wets after he goes. This has been the norm for us & the Dr. said its not really an issue at his age.
Recently, though he has been having accidents during the day. Probably once every three weeks. And yesterday he had a poop accident, which totally confused me. He hasn’t done that in close to 2 years.
Any ideas?
My son just turned two last month and has done amazing with potty training. He was potty trained during the day even nap time for the past two months. This past Friday he started peeing in his pants. He will stop it sometimes and finish in the potty. I don’t know what to do….. I can’t get him back on track. I need help I’m so lost and I do this daily with twos at work. I do the potty training but my kids don’t do this at school. Help the lost teacher/mother!
My son is neally 2 1\2 and has been potty trained for a month now I know its not along time but he learnt very quickly and has only ever had about 5 accidents and its always been a #1, today my mother in law and her partner were round for tea and he had an accident in his pants didn’t even bother to go to the potty then abit later on when he was bathed and in his pjs he did it again I’m worried he may be slipping back he was doing so well
My 2 year old boy was doing really well with potty training, for about 6 weeks, and suddenly decided he did not want to do i anymore. He did start daycare about 4 weeks into his potty training, but after the second week there, began using the toilet and letting the carers know if he had to go. then suddenly he started wetting his pants all over again.
I began using underwear, but put some pull-up training pants in his bag for daycare, in case he had too many accidents and ran out of underwear, now he asks to wear his “school pants” (pull-ups) or nappy. He seems to be totally disinterested in using the toilet and only tells me he has done a wee, after the fact. On a good note, he is very good with his poos and will tell me so that he can use the potty or toilet (we give him the choice, he will use both). He will go to the potty if I put him on but will not tell me if he needs to go. sometimes I out him on the potty and he says “no wee wee”, then 5 minutes later will wet his pants.
I do not make a fuss when he wets his pants and give him lots of prasie when he uses the potty, but nothing is working. I have tried using sticker rewards, but that does not seem to be an incentive either. does anyone have any suggestions?
Ok so I am a nanny and my charge is an 18 month old boy. At 16 months he started telling us when he had to go potty or when he did so we jumped on the potty training bandwagon and all went super. We gave praise for going in the potty and praise when diaper was dry for most of the day. Well the past two months he has just decided that he is not doing it anymore. He will tell you when he has to go or that he has gone in his diaper but when you sit him on the potty he refuses to go. Sometimes you have to physically sit him on the potty because he locks his legs so you cant sit him down. HELP!!!!! i have never had this happen with a child so I am at a loss for what to do. He is learning to use his words and I always say that the potty is for poo and pee not our diaper but he is a stubborn one. HELP!!!!
Hi
I have just read your article I am at my wits end I do not know what do! My daughter has been potty trained for five months since she was two only having ever accidents for the first week of training being fine since. Now five months later she has started for about a month now having accidents every day up to four times a day. I don’t where it all went wrong. I have tried reward charts, treats, constant reminding. I just don’t know what to do!
My almost 3 year old has been potty trained for about 5 months. We have all of a sudden hit the “regression” pretty hard. She had 7 accidents in 3 days, and today, it seems as if she is doing it on purpose. How do I handle it when she is deliberately peeing in her pants, on the floor, at school while standing in front of the potty? It isn’t a situation of her not making it to the potty and having an accident…she really appears to be doing it on purpose.
My son is almost 5 and has been potty trained for year and recently has started having accidents. Not pee but poop, he has just stopped pooping on the potty and i don’t know why. We did recently have to change babysitters but he seemed to take the transition very well and always tells me how much he likes his new babysitter etc.. and now even his big brother get to go with him which he was so excited about. He has no problem going pee in the potty but he keeps having accidents with poop. it happens about every other day and I just can’t figure out why. He has never had a problem like this, i have tried being comforting and consoling with him and i have tried being stern (not spanking but a stern voice about using the potty) nothing seeems to work. Today I put him back in a pull up which i hated to do and he hated wearing it but I feel like im out of options. I explained to him the last time he pooped in his underwear that if he was going to keep doing this he was going to have to wear pull ups until he was ready to use the potty again and he said he didn’t want to wear pull ups that he is a big boy. So i said okay, then you have to use the potty like a big boy and we made it about a day and then this morning while getting dressed he pooped in his underwear. Nothing special was going on, we were in the middle of our everyday routine and he still had the “accident”. I felt like this was no longer an accident so i held true to my word and put him in a pull up which broke my heart because he cried so hard when i put it on him. But I feel very defeated and I don’t know what to do. Any advice is welcomed, please help!
I am totally losing it. My son has been “potty training” since he was 3 and he will be 4 in May. I had to force the training on him early in order to comply with his preschool requirements and he has never really been completely trained- usually at least one accident a week. Now all of a sudden he is urinating at least twice a day in his underwear despite me doing all the old tricks of herding him to the potty all day, treats, positive reinforcement etc. Nothing new has happened in our lives and he is healthy. I am getting angry, starting to yell, and giving negative consequences out of sheer desperation. Obviously this is not working either. He doesn’t care about rewards and he doesn’t care about being wet. Why is this happening? I don’t know what to do anymore. Please help!!
My son turned three a month ago. He potty trained in November easily; by day two he was pooping in potty and by day three peeing. Very few accidents.
He started school in January and would occassionally have an accident, which was to be expected, with needing help to get to the bathroom and a new environment. I am due in about a month with our second child and within the past month he has consistently started having accidents at home and just today also pooped his pants.
We ask him what happened and he just says “I don’t know.” We, have, unfortunatly expressed frustration and will now try to stop since every article states to not make it a big deal. We have attempted rewards, those don’t matter, do we just let it run it’s course? Do we start from scratch and set the timer for every hour? I don’t want to put him back in diapers,we’ve made it so far, but I’m beyond frustrated and (of course!) emotional with pregnancy, I don’t know what to do!
I need help. My daughter is 3 1/2 and has been potty trained for about a year. She started preschool in January and loves it, but recently has had atleast one accident at school daily. She’s also been having several accidents at home, including going #2. Ill ask her if she has to go but she denies it and gets very upset. She Will stand there and poop on herself right After she sits on the potty! She would sit in dirty undies all day if i let her. I’ve tried praising, treats, brushing off accidents and A LOT of patience, but its wearing thin and I don’t understand how to end this. Our four year old son never has accidents and I do everything the same. HELP!
Hello, I need some advice/tips if possible! My daughter is 2 1/2 and we started potty training last Friday (a week ago). She only had a couple accidents that morning, nothing from nap til bedtime! Then Saturday, she had no accidents til the evening. And Sunday was NO accidents AND she told us she had to go poo poo & then went on potty! So Monday at school was the real test, not only did she have no accidents Monday, but no accidents the entire week at school! And then this weekend started
Yesterday, she fought me all day when I told her to go potty, then she had accidents right after we left the bathroom. She went through more panties yesterday than all week! She would start to pee & then would tell me she went so I could take her to the bathroom, but how could she have done so perfect all week and then be fighting it so much now???!! Should I make her stay in the bathroom til she goes when I know it’s been a couple hours? (she’s held it for at least 3 hours a couple times). I’ve been sticking to the routine of going right when she gets up but she throws a temper tantrum, I try to make her stay in there but when I give up, then she will pee as soon as we leave bathroom. I take her to the potty every hour but need help on what to do with her now since she’s been like this. I dont want there to be any negative effects from potty training if Im doing something wrong. What should I do now? Thanks!!
We potty trained my daughter last August when she was 26 months old. It took a while, but finally she was going to the bathroom when she felt the urge, and her underwear was dry and clean. She did this consistently for 2-3 weeks. Then, she had wet spots in her underwear for a few weeks. And again, with great effort and rewards from us, she was using the toilet and having dry underwear. A couple of weeks later she was consistently having wet underwear. This on/off again pattern has occurred since then, and it’s now late April. We’re back to using a reward system again, but she’s not interested.
The thing that surprises me is that she is able to control it. When we are in the car and she has to go with urgency, it can take 5-15 minutes until we reach a bathroom. And her underwear is dry when we get there. Yesterday, I checked her underwear (it was dry), and I told her this was a good time to go to the bathroom. Thirty seconds later, when she got to the toilet, her underwear was wet.
The gist of it is…she has dry underwear when we’re out or she’s at preschool, but she has wet underwear at home. Any suggestions?
I’ve heard that using (or not using) the bathroom is one of the only ways a child can exert control. What do I do about this?
This seems like a long time to go with a pattern like this.
We potty trained my daughter last August when she was 26 months old. It took a while, but finally she was going to the bathroom when she felt the urge, and her underwear was dry and clean. She did this consistently for 2-3 weeks. Then, she had wet spots in her underwear for a few weeks. And again, with great effort and rewards from us, she was using the toilet and having dry underwear. A couple of weeks later she was consistently having wet underwear. This on/off again pattern has occurred since then, and it’s now late April. We’re back to using a reward system again, but she’s not interested.
The thing that surprises me is that she is able to control it. When we are in the car and she has to go with urgency, it can take 5-15 minutes until we reach a bathroom. And her underwear is dry when we get there. Yesterday, I checked her underwear (it was dry), and I told her this was a good time to go to the bathroom. Thirty seconds later, when she got to the toilet, her underwear was wet.
The gist of it is…she has dry underwear when we’re out or she’s at preschool, but she has wet underwear at home. Any suggestions?
I’ve heard that using (or not using) the bathroom is one of the only ways a child can exert control. What do I do about this?
This seems like a long time to go with a pattern like this.
I have a question. My bby has recently gona back to going on herself. At first I didnt really pay any attenetion to it, but then I noticed that it happened more often. And I found myself diciplining her. And reminding her that it was nasty n she shouldnt do it. Either way. It didnt wrk. So im goint to take these tips and hope it works for me. Is this normal for a child of 2 yrs to go thru? I am really worried bc she was doing great until this.
I had posted last week about my baby knowinh she had to go potty but not going in the potty, and five min later she would go on herself. Luckily I think she has slowly gotten over wit that stage in her life. We were just very understanding and did not use violence any more. she got aloot better with that. I kept telling her, its time to tKe a break and go potty n when ur done you can finish what your doing.
I have a 2 1/2 year old son and have started to potty train him.He has went on the potty 4 times in one day with only 2 accident.Which I think is pretty good. Then the next day it was 3 with only 2 accident. Since then he has had accident after accident not sure what is wrong. Please give me some advice. Thank you.
Maybe he is not ready. Does he show signs of readiness? For boys, 3 is the average age to be potty trained in the US. If I were you, I’d put back on the diapers and give it another few months and try again then…
My daughter is 6 and still needs help. I definately need to becomeless involved, thanks for the article and the comments here.
Oh, Tina, I hear your frustration and can totally empathize. I’d like to offer you some other ideas and ways to think about this situation. It sounds like you might have identified the reason for his regression. Maybe he is having fear around this potential move. Try to stop talking about it when he is around and help him to feel secure where he is. As a teacher, I experienced older children regressing. While it may not seem like he cares, this is probably just a defense mechanism. No toilet trained 5 year old would not care if they are regressing with this skill. A skill which so automatically differentiates baby behavior from “big boy” behavior. Trust that he does care, even if he isn’t showing it in a recognizable way. Also, try natural consequences to his accidents.
A natural consequence to this would be cleaning up the mess himself. That way he is not getting any sort of attention from you (positive or negative) around this behavior and he is still expected to behave like a 5 yr old. He is old enough to take care of the mess on his own. During a nice time at home together, when there is not tension, talk with him about the accidents. In a compassionate, direct, and matter-of-fact way tell him that he needs to start taking care of his accidents. Together, the two of you can put some changes of clothes in a basket in the bathroom. You can put a washcloth near the sink or in a bucket, so that he can clean himself off. Put some plastic bags in the bathroom where he can put his soiled clothes. And with a small mop or rag, he can clean his mess if it puddles on the floor. This is a natural consequence. Giving him the responsibility shows respect and also creates more work for him as a result of the accident. It won’t take long before he chooses to use the toilet instead.
“Forcing” is not the right perspective, here. Instead think of it as encouraging and supporting toward feelings of success independence in this area.
Your daughter is old enough for you to talk with her about this. Here’s a plan I wrote in a previous post that pertains to your case:
Also, stop reminding your daughter to go and allow her to learn for herself when it is time for her to go. Empower her by trusting her abilities. Say, “I know you’ll go when your body needs to.” This is a nice, friendly reminder. She can do it. You have to believe it too.
Go for it and share your success story with us!