What if your child already showed consistent signs of being potty trained and now is showing signs of regression? While very frustrating for everyone, regression is also very common.
I initially found my daughter’s potty training regression disheartening and frustrating. The only time an “accident” ever happened was at school. It took me awhile to understand the reasons: difficult access to bathroom, toilet paper out-of-reach, ridiculously heavy door to bathroom, and the normal stress of starting preschool at age 2.
These were significant obstacles, but we were able to ease her angst and this common potty training issue slowly resolved itself. If you follow the tips below, you can get your child back on track too.
Tips to end potty training regression:
- Empower your child. Show her you know she can do it.
- Be consistent!
- Provide a lot of positive reinforcement for remaining dry.
- No negative attention and very few words regarding wet clothes.
- Regular reminders to go to the bathroom to help create the habit (even just the habit of considering the need to go to the bathroom). Not as a question, “do you need to go”, instead as a statement, “ time to go to the bathroom”.
- Encourage your child to help with cleaning up the messes (children enjoy helping; this is not a punishment).
- Be consistent (I can’t repeat this enough!)
- Don’t engage in long discussions, just clear, matter-of-fact directions and lots of praise (Check out my praise posts, because this is a critical piece).
- Do not turn this into a disciplinary matter!
What ever you do, don’t despair, throw your hands in the air, and revert back to diapers. It’s time to reflect on the process: stop the battles, recalibrate, and start fresh.
Experts identify the following reasons for regression:
- stress (new sibling, divorce, move, new school, any change in schedule)
- medical reasons
- natural regression that occurs with the mastery of a any new skill
- ignoring the body’s message
Keep in mind that recently trained children need reminders to go to the bathroom. This is how you can help your child to feel successful. Help her get to the bathroom on time.
Do not take “no” for an answer if you feel it has been too long between bathroom breaks. Honor what the child is focused on at the time, while also imparting the importance of listening to one’s own body (an important life message). For example (please extrapolate to your own circumstance), “I see that you are very focused on your activity, but it is time to take a break to sit on the toilet and then you can return to your activity.” This is not a question. This does not need an apology. This is a directive. Directives can be said in loving and assertive ways.
Your child will be inspired by your renewed faith in her abilities. Maximize this momentum!
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Thank you, thank you, Thank you! I was thinking about it alot before I got your email and realized that my frustration was showing too much. WE stopped focusing on the positive and more on the negative. I chilled out and she’s been dry all weekend. I’m sure we’re not completely there but it’s been pleasant. Your advice(which I forgot about and let frustrations move in) is bang on and works!!!
On one hand, I totally agree with this – with a 2 or even a 3 year-old. However, my son is 5 1/2 and for the past month has just had at least 2 accidents a day. He also doesn’t seem to care if he is wet. I have taken away his computer games and video games and it still doesn’t seem to make a difference. We have been discussing moving a bit…but honestly I am out of patience and at the end of my rope!
My 2 1/2 year old has always been resistant when it comes to potty training. She just does not like to stop what she is doing to go potty. The only way we made any progress was by going diaper-less at home, rewards and positive reinforcement for successful use of the potty. This got her more interested and she finally would allow me to take her to the bathroom (most of the time) when we were out and about. She has never told me she needs to go – it has always been based on when I thought it was time.
However, the past week we switched pull-ups (I’m convinced this triggered the regression) and she has since refused to go to the potty. She literally kicks and screams if I tell her it’s time.
Should I be “forcing” her to go?
Oh, Tina, I hear your frustration and can totally empathize. I’d like to offer you some other ideas and ways to think about this situation. It sounds like you might have identified the reason for his regression. Maybe he is having fear around this potential move. Try to stop talking about it when he is around and help him to feel secure where he is. As a teacher, I experienced older children regressing. While it may not seem like he cares, this is probably just a defense mechanism. No toilet trained 5 year old would not care if they are regressing with this skill. A skill which so automatically differentiates baby behavior from “big boy” behavior. Trust that he does care, even if he isn’t showing it in a recognizable way. Also, try natural consequences to his accidents.
A natural consequence to this would be cleaning up the mess himself. That way he is not getting any sort of attention from you (positive or negative) around this behavior and he is still expected to behave like a 5 yr old. He is old enough to take care of the mess on his own. During a nice time at home together, when there is not tension, talk with him about the accidents. In a compassionate, direct, and matter-of-fact way tell him that he needs to start taking care of his accidents. Together, the two of you can put some changes of clothes in a basket in the bathroom. You can put a washcloth near the sink or in a bucket, so that he can clean himself off. Put some plastic bags in the bathroom where he can put his soiled clothes. And with a small mop or rag, he can clean his mess if it puddles on the floor. This is a natural consequence. Giving him the responsibility shows respect and also creates more work for him as a result of the accident. It won’t take long before he chooses to use the toilet instead.
“Forcing” is not the right perspective, here. Instead think of it as encouraging and supporting toward feelings of success independence in this area.
Your daughter is old enough for you to talk with her about this. Here’s a plan I wrote in a previous post that pertains to your case:
Also, stop reminding your daughter to go and allow her to learn for herself when it is time for her to go. Empower her by trusting her abilities. Say, “I know you’ll go when your body needs to.” This is a nice, friendly reminder. She can do it. You have to believe it too.
Go for it and share your success story with us!