Did you know that praise is like a drug? That’s right, kids develop an actual chemical need for praise.
Parental cheerleading, when overused and overblown, can be an obstacle toward developing independence and may cause undue anxiety in some cases. Furthermore, it may lead to the expectation of an audience for even normal accomplishments.
Praise that is too general leaves the child wondering what it is that is being praised, and the child who is rarely praised is left to his own understanding of what is acceptable or unacceptable behavior. The child inevitably seeks attention, and therefore, will most likely choose whatever he knows will get him that attention, whether it be positive or negative.
Where is the happy medium?
The more specifically targeted the praise and in proportion to what was done, the more meaningful it will be to the child. For example, “You put the blocks away and now your friends will know where to find them. Good job!” I’ve turned to some experts to expand on this idea, which I have highlighted below:
Dr. Kazdin, author, psychology professor, and Director of the Yale Parenting Center and Child Conduct Clinic, emphasizes the quality of the praise. He notes that praise does not necessarily need to be verbal. It can be a hug, kiss, or simply some undivided attention.
Similarly, in Montessori from the Start, the authors site, “ …you can share his pleasure in that achievement with a warm smile. Such a low-key response indicates that you are happy for your child because you know that he is happy … Our goal is to help children appreciate that they are unique human beings and special to us.”
What is your tendency toward praise? Is there anything that you can do to make it more effective? I look forward to hearing how this resonates with you and your family.
You must tire of hearing that I think you’re the most amazing gift which has ever been given to my children, and that you will remain the sole reason I’ve been able to claw my way out of the parenting trend set for me by my own (crazy) parents.