Sibling Rivalry, oh how you make me want to throw myself in front of a bus and end the misery now!
First let’s swap out the word rivalry for conflicts. Rivalry implies that this strain in sibling dynamics is about one another (the rival). Sometimes this is the case, but more often the stressors are from outside environments (parents, school or friends). These stressors add fuel to a naturally intertwined relationship and conflicts arise.
My family has had our fair share of these conflicts in the past year, and I find some comfort in the theory behind sibling conflicts. Hope you will too:
- Sibling conflict is natural. Fighting is normal among all creatures who live together.
- Turn the conflict into a positive life lesson. There is no way to eliminate it, but there are good ways and not such good ways to deal with it. Conflicts can be weakened and children can learn very positive lessons depending on our management approach.
- Teach life skills. Conflicts gives ample practice in negotiation skills and conflict resolution.
- Conflicts can beckon a more closely-knit relationship. Kids who are always interested in or entangled with one another (whether violent or loving) show more promise of being close throughout life than those who are disinterested and ignore one another.
- Don’t pigeon hole your children. Siblings’ relationship with one another changes depending on stages of development and their evolving needs. Be aware not to pigeon hole or define your children based on these rough patches.
- Understand your kids’ temperaments. This single act is critical in all aspects of good parenting, including respectfully handling sibling relationships. Your kids’ individual temperaments will play a large role in how well they get along together.
(To learn more about your child’s unique temperament, join the Crash Course in Mindful Parenting).
Like a lot of parents, how I cope with my kids bickering depends on the day. When my kiddos really get going, I feel like this is never going to end. It’s like I’ve been sentenced to my family’s version of water boarding.
The best thing I can do for myself and my kids is to take care of myself. If I’m on top of my game, I have a larger pool of resources to draw from. When my tank is empty, I am more reactive rather than mindful. It takes mindfulness, for sure, to turn these conflicts into learning opportunities.
Check out 7 Tips to Minimize Sibling Rivalry to effectively address these issues at home.
