Ever wonder why your kids seem to flip out on days that are already stressful? It can feel spiteful. Like they are out to get you.
But in those glorious moments of sanity, we know that’s not the case. It has more to do with science and child development than spite.
You see, every child is highly attuned to her parent’s mood and energy, beginning before birth. Before the autonomic nervous system has developed, the baby looks to her primary caregiver for cues on her emotional state (arousal, recuperation, fight or flight, etc). This is a biological instinct that allows the child to develop a unique bond with her parents. This bond continues to develop as the relationship evolves, leaving children deeply tuned in to our energy and moods.
So, when a reader recently described this very thing, I was delighted.
One thing that helped me when I used to snuggle with my son to help him to go to sleep was breathing as if I were sleeping, a bit exaggerated, slow and deep.
Yes! That’s another example of how children’s autonomic nervous system is still developing.
This slow, deep breathing is a favorite stand-by in our house too. It’s super effective! Especially compared to the nights when I would anxiously count down the minutes til they fell asleep with the long to-do list scrolling in my mind. My kids seemed to stay awake longer!
In fact, I would have the opposite result when I completely relaxed my mind and body. The process of relaxing myself simultaneously soothed whichever child I was snuggling.They would also fall into a deep, relaxed place where they quickly drifted off to sleep.
Try it out. Bedtime might turn enjoyable again. Let us know.
Your key to success begins with creating regular bedtimes and an enjoyable relaxing routine. Find some ideas below from the series Quiet Night, Happy Night:
- The Never Ending Good Night
- Is Goodnight Still Taking all Night?
- Lowering the Child’s Bedroom
- Sleeping Around
- Is Separation Anxiety Causing Unrest?
- Calm Yourself to Calm Your Kids
- Bedtime Breathing
- Nighttime Fears
- Unwind for Bedtime
- Quiet Night, Happy Night
This was a favorite of ours, too! So true that it is effective and helps the parent share in the joy of not only cuddling but having a happier and more relaxed to the end of the day.
i am enjoying reading your wonderful articles.