Kids have fears. Some kids have many and others not so much. Regardless, the dark, quiet, solitude of night can bring up fears for even the most settled.
Whether your kids cry-it-out or get snuggled endlessly during those dark hours, nighttime fears require a different approach. Fears are not rationale and therefore cannot be ignored or reasoned away.
Rather, plenty of positive nighttime experiences will go a long way toward alleviating those fears. I’ll explain how to create those in a minute.
First I want to encourage you, if you have a child who struggles around sleep, to work really, really hard and consider your child’s perspective. Yes, I’ve said it again – child’s perspective. Truly understanding your child is the foundation to a good parent-child relationship. You can read more about understanding your child’s perspective here.
Back to creating those positive nighttime experiences.
Is your child’s resistance to falling asleep for fear of the dark? Or, is he waking scared during the night?
Rather than trying to console your child in the same space where he is feeling uneasy, pick him up or take his hand and walk quietly through the dark house. Make this a peaceful, relaxing event. Not one where you are frustrated that this is happening. Remember, he reads your cues. You are trying to calm your child.
When my own daughter has awoken with fear during the night, I have carried her around the house speaking in a soft, reassuring, sleepy time voice. This might be hard to imagine, but it has really helped my kids! They feel understood and respected, which is reassuring when fear creeps in.
I describe familiar things: “There is the bathroom, your hoppity horse, our dog, the kitchen. And look out the window, there is Sam’s house. Everything is just the same except the sun is sleeping” [or on the other side of Earth or whatever age appropriate language you choose]. This has helped both of my girls put their fears of the dark to rest. Fear is not rationale, but can be eased by positive experiences.
Your key to success begins with creating regular bedtimes and an enjoyable relaxing routine. Find some ideas below from the ten part series Quiet Night, Happy Night:
- The Never Ending Good Night
- Is Goodnight Still Taking all Night?
- Lowering the Child’s Bedroom
- Sleeping Around
- Is Separation Anxiety Causing Unrest?
- Calm Yourself to Calm Your Kids
- Bedtime Breathing
- Nighttime Fears
- Unwind for Bedtime
- Quiet Night, Happy Night
I love the idea to walk around the house and talk about all the familiar things! In all my night time comforting I have never thought to do this, and I can see how it would be so effective. Lucky for me I have another babe to try this with at some point
My almost 5 year old son has a recurring nightmare – every so often for the last 2 years at least. Something that has helped him over time is talking at length about the nightmare the following day – first talking about what happened in the dream, reassurances that dreams are not real, then going into variations on wouldn’t it be silly if the monster had pink polka dots etc., and imagining a different outcome in the dream. He also has great interest in the dreams i found scary as a child (and now). At first I wondered if telling him mine might scare him more, but he seems to find it grounding and helpful to hear (although I edit out some of my crazier dream happenings!)