I often receive questions from parents about their child’s particular sleep issues. Many of the struggles have been addressed in the series, Quiet Night, Happy Night.
As with all aspects of parenting, these struggles require us to understand our child and adapt things accordingly. We can change the layout of a room. Remove the television (what? kids have TVs in their rooms?!). We can change the lighting or add a noise machine. But, more often than not, we actually need to do more. We have to change our approach and maybe even our perspective.
In the new book, Nurture Shock, authors Bronson and Merryman highlight the overlooked, understudied significance of sleep – especially with young growing minds. They notice that today, school aged children sleep one hour less every night than they did 30 years ago.
You might wonder what is the big deal about one hour? Well, researchers have discovered that the performance gap in children lacking that one hour of sleep is huge. It’s the equivalent of two years of cognitive maturation and development. These sleepy 6th graders were performing like 4th graders!
In addition to performance, chronic sleep deprivation has also been linked to obesity, ADHD, and common tween and teen behavior: moodiness, binge eating, and depression.
Sleep guidelines from the National Sleep Foundation:
- Infants need between 12-18 hours each day. This begins as an irregular schedule and eventually becomes more structured with a longer nighttime sleep and a couple of naps.
- Kids ages 1-3 years need 12-14 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period.
- Kids ages 3-5 years require 11-13 hours each day.
- Kids ages 5-12 need 10-11 hours.
- Teenagers still require more than adults, averaging 8.5-9.5 hours each night.
Your key to success begins with creating regular bedtimes and an enjoyable relaxing routine. Find some ideas below from the series Quiet Night, Happy Night:
- The Never Ending Good Night
- Is Goodnight Still Taking all Night?
- Lowering the Child’s Bedroom
- Sleeping Around
- Is Separation Anxiety Causing Unrest?
- Calm Yourself to Calm Your Kids
- Bedtime Breathing
- Nighttime Fears
- Unwind for Bedtime
- Quiet Night, Happy Night
something that we have had to learn and re-learn through the years is keeping ourselves as parents in check on evening activities and plans… it is so tempting to stay out/up later when our son isn’t seeming tired (of course not – he’s running on adrenaline!) but he always shows signs of late nights on the following couple days (cranky, irritable, tantrums).
This has been a source of disagreement between me and my husband, but we have finally found a middle ground of the occasional exceptions (more than I would like, not as many as he would like!) that we all can live with. So the majority of nights he gets adequate sleep, but it certainly takes consistent intention to make it happen.
Hi Emily,
Thank you for your blog! Your advice and anecdotes are really very helpful and insightful. Your reminder to consider my child’s perspective is always the approach that feels right (and works!). Thank you!!!!
We struggled with night time sleep for a while, but have had great success and have a super night-time sleeper now (and have had for about a year). Now, I’m wondering if you have any advice on nap time? My 2.5 year old daughter refuses to nap. She still needs the sleep (yawning and is clearly tired when I try to put her down) and is resisting/fighting it and I am having a very difficult time rectifying the situation.
We recently moved overseas (2 months ago) and she has only had ONE nap in her bedroom since we have moved into our new home. I put her down like clockwork following the same well-established bedtime routine every day after lunch, (milk, teeth, stories, cuddle, songs and leave the room) yet she just lies in bed talking and singing for an hour and a half. Afterwards, I (or my hubby on weekends) will get her up and proceed with the day and she will usually fall asleep in the stroller if we are out. She often isn’t going without a nap entirely, it’s just a late afternoon one which then pushes bedtime later. Otherwise, she goes to sleep at night-time very well and sleeps through the night. She sleeps in a toddler bed and is potty trained so we will put her on the potty for a pee before we go to bed, but she falls back asleep right away and sleeps a total of 12 hours throughout the night. Prior to moving, her naps were regular and she usually slept for 2 hours. I am beside myself with what to do… we’ve tried cuddling with her, laying together in mummy and daddy’s bed, going in and telling her “it’s sleep time now, no more talking” and waiting outside her door and every time she peeps, going back in and telling her. Basically now I just go through the motions of putting her down every day and she lays there and chats away for an hour or 1.5 hours until I go and get her up. By supper time she is in easily-frustrated meltdown mode and I find myself counting down until it’s bedtime for her (for everyone’s sanity). I don’t know what else to do… I’ve also tried moving nap time earlier and later with no effect. The routine lasts about 15-20 minutes and her nap officially starts about 1:30 or so. I’m a stay-at-home mum and I know friends who say that at daycare the kids just roll out their mats and fall asleep! I almost want to put her in daycare to see how it works (not seriously considering it, but I do wonder!).
Clearly moving has something to do with it, but I can’t figure it out. Any advice would be so appreciated. Thank you.
Hi Melanie,
I can totally relate to your situation. I have a daughter who is also about 2.5 years and fussing more and more at naptime and bedtime.
One thing that has recently helped is playing a familiar book on CD for her to listen to. It usually lulls her to sleep.
Here are some ideas for you, although it sounds like you are already doing all of the right things:
1. Lots of physical activity in the morning
2. More guidance with relaxation (see: Bedtime Breathing)
1. I would try playing a book on CD or noise machine when you tuck her into bed.
2. If that doesn’t change things after a few attempts, then you might want to consider putting her in a stroller for a short walk and transferring her to bed. You’ll want to tell her about this change beforehand. I always tell my kids on such jaunts that the schedule will be different and if they fall asleep then I’ll carry them into bed and tuck them in.
The other option is that your daughter is actually moving out of the napping stage. Seems a little early, but I’ve known others who are just as young. If after trying the other options and you think this is the case, then you can put her to sleep between 6-7pm.
My daughter usually naps from about 1-3pm. She’s back asleep by about 7:30pm. This is more sleep than lots of toddlers that I know, but I have noticed that the more sleep kids get, the easier it is for them to go to sleep.
I’d love to hear how you resolve this situation. Please keep me posted. I’m also curious where you are living now?
Good luck.
Emily
I need some ideas for my son, who is nearly 4. he has a bedtime routine and goes off happily but keeps waking at 6am, bedtime is 7pm…
He calls for me straight away. we have tried a star chart with a reward for him sraying in bed until i collect him, about 6.45 am but it worked for a week and now is back to calling and getting cross if i call back “sleepy time”.
He will also call out in middle of night, but not always…..
You probably don’t want to hear this, but it sounds as if your son is all done sleeping and ready to get up. Some good news: The time changes again this weekend, so when we spring ahead 6am will be the new 7am. Maybe that will help.
My youngest went through a period (it lasted a few months) of waking around 4:30am. She wasn’t necessarily done sleeping, but she was very hungry. Of course, once we got up and she had a snack, we were both awake. It was torture! I tried everything, including putting her to bed later, giving her a midnight snack, putting a banana by her bed, etc. She still woke up ridiculously early. It passed eventually and now she sleeps until about 7am. She still wakes up hungry, but I can deal with 7am much better
If the early morning is the only problem with his sleeping, I think you should count yourself lucky. Just remember to go to sleep early enough so that you are ready to face the day at 6am.