Sleeping Around

We started out with our daughter in a “co sleeper” on the side of the bed, and at about five mos. moved her into the crib. This was my grand plan. No co sleeping IN our bed. Our bed was our bed, she would transition to her crib, and we would establish separate sleeping areas. I am a light sleeper, and with working full time outside the home I think I deserve a good nights sleep. I think all Mom’s deserve sleep! (We are much nicer this way. ) Well, the saga started. She did not like the crib so much. She did not like to sleep on her own , period, so much.

I resisted a good friend’s continued advice to ferberize and let her cry it out when I still could. I was worried it would somehow cause problems, anxiety, etc. and it was too rough of a combination. Let her cry for hours when I’ve already been away from her all day? Couldn’t do it.
I read the “No Cry Sleep Solution” which I renamed the “No Sleep Solution” and personally wanted to burn, as it was no help, and I DID “follow the program”. Other books, too. Desperate, we resorted to crying it out when she was somewhere around a year? To my surprise, she did not cry long, and we all stared sleeping better for about two blissful months. She went to her first gymnastics class, however, and promptly learned how to climb out and lower herself out of the crib, and blissful nights were again history, as she came into our room anytime she woke.

The strategy we ended up with is that when she wakes during the night, (still waking 2-3 times a night and she’s almost 3!) one of us goes in (we take turns), we lay with her, soothe her until she can go back, sometimes its very fast, sometimes not, then we try to make it back to our bed. Sometimes we fall asleep with her. Sometimes we make it back. We do not allow her in our own bed during the night. Early morning, six am’ish, her little feet pad down the hallway and we then let her jump in with us. Its light out then, and she can tell it is morning. So she knows at night time, she has to stay in her own bed. This is the strategy we are sticking with SO far, and just hope someday she’ll wake less and sleep better. I’ve been tempted to throw in the towel and let her sleep with us more often. BUT, I don’t want to establish a family bed for fear she’ll be six / seven and still unable to sleep without us. I am a child & family therapist and I see this all the time, with desperate parents asking what to do about it. By this age, its much harder to deal with.
On the other hand, I know someday, when she is a teenager, I’ll long for the days when she wanted to snuggle in bed with me, and I try to remember that as much as I can when the going gets tough.